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Miss Crankypants is not usually anything if not cheerfully sarcastic. Cranky Cat is the most joyful sourpuss on the planet. So how on earth has the one and only Miss Cranky landed in the doldrums of depression? She really has no clue. UNLESS . . . Could it be this is all related to Mr. […]
Cranky Cat is like a lot of felines: When Miss Crankypants is away on a business trip, he mopes. And meows fearfully about how he misses her. And plots to punish her when she returns. He can’t threaten to withhold his affections–he has none. And he’d run away from home except he’s not allowed to […]
Miss Crankypants loves her grands. Truly. Yet when one of them, of the two-year-old persuasion descends upon her house, it’s like the plague of locusts, the mall on Christmas Eve and Godzilla vs. Mothra all rolled into one. She can’t run that fast! Cranky Cat, Melchior the Very Large and Mama Mia! are as upset […]
Miss Crankypants recently read that a California Great Dane with a big stomachache was taken to the emergency vet. Most of the time, dogs in general are a big headache, but this poor Scooby-Doo-wannabe was pretty upset in the tum-tum, so the owners took out a second mortgage to get the dog treated. A revealing […]
Miss Crankypants is like a lot of Americans. She only feels grateful after she’s finished ranting. It works this way: Miss Crank, teed off by some dumb-as-a-dog person who never/always/usually/rarely does or doesn’t do something HER way, gets grouchy. Oooh, can she ever get grouchy. Phase One: Because I’m GROUCHY, that’s Why! Case in point: […]
The other day, someone called Miss Crankypants a cat lady. A CRAZY cat lady. Talk about stating the obvious.Miss CP has been collecting cats since she was old enough to wander the neighborhood calling, “Here kitty kitty.” Her own mother claims that Miss Crank never met a stray she couldn’t bring home. So why has […]
If you’ve owned many cats, you know what happens when you return from the briefest of vacays. You rush in, still clutching your measly bag of airline pretzels, and hug Mrs. Cat long and tight. “Oh cookie-wookie, Mommy missed her wittle kitten-witten.” You plant smooches all over her head, and you hope she stops looking […]
Today, all over this great land of ours, people are huddled around their phones and tablets, watching a blast from the past land right in the 21st century. Miss Crankypants is referring to Weird Al Yankovic of course. He’s back, parodying Pharrell Williams’ “Happy” and other pop songs. Cranky Cat is scheming to steal some […]
Cranky Cat is sick to death of those who urge everybody to reduce their carbon footprints. Crybabies. In his measured opinion, a carbon footprint is about as likely to exist as a plaster cast of Bigfoot. It’s a totally made-up term meant to guilt-trip us into believing that climate change is for real. But […]
The Well-fed Cat You just can’t get away from it. No, Miss Crankypants is not speaking of dull stuff like fireworks on the 4th of July or midterm elections. She is referring to the relentless guilt trips being heaped upon cat lovers (and the occasional dumb dog lover) worldwide: You ARE your pet. At least […]