If You Give A Cat a Pedicure

If You Give A Cat a Pedicure

These claws are made for scratchin’ Don’t mind Miss Crankypants. She’s just recovering from her latest idiotic scheme: to keep dear old Cranky Cat from scratching up the carpet, she tried to fix that horrible feline good by taking away his sharp-as-a-tack claws. In the pet store she saw these adorable little claw covers. As […]

The Internet of Cursed Things

The Internet of Cursed Things

Who’s Fat? Miss Crankypants read an article about a new way to think of our stuff: The Internet of Things is supposed to mean that our appliances and conveniences will soon be so smart they won’t need us anymore. The examples range from a fridge that takes inventory and lets you know when the milk […]

Give Miss Cranky a Robot!

Give Miss Cranky a Robot!

In Miss CP’s kitchen drawer, there are seventy-five variations on vegetable peelers. She never uses any of them except one. This peeler is so old, Betty Crocker was knee-high to Martha Stewart when it was sold in stores. She also owns fourteen different kinds of skewers for shish kababs, three broken can openers and several […]

Better Microchip Your Spoons!

Better Microchip Your Spoons!

It’s 10 AM. Do you know where your spoons are? If you have a husband or children, you might have noticed a small imbalance in the cutlery drawer. Out of a service for twelve you have 17 forks, three butter knives and one and a half spoons.  How does this happen? Miss Crankypants knows. She […]

How to Bribe a Lazy Cat

How to Bribe a Lazy Cat

The Crankypants family is so busy, nobody really has time for ordinary stuff like cleaning house. We jet around, arriving fashionably late to the red carpet, posing and preening for the paparazzi. Who’s got time for vacuums and toilet bowls? Well, Cranky Cat has a thing or three to say about that. Next to his […]

If Cranky Cat Got Saved

If Cranky Cat Got Saved

Cranky Cat sleeps with fishes. Don’t tell anyone, but according to some theologians, all dogs and cats do not go to heaven. This is a touchy subject for canines and felines alike. As Edmund, a dog in Colorado Springs recently complained, “All my life I’ve been totally loyal to my people. I wait patiently for […]

Why Dogs R Dumb

Why Dogs R Dumb

Cranky Cat sez talk to the tail. O hai again. Cranky Cat gots all kinds of letters and stuff from dogs wondering why I is always saying dogs are dumb. Isn’t it painfully obvious? But okay, hold phone, I is going explain one more time: Dogs are dumb cuz (drumroll, please) they is not cats. […]