She’s So Not Thankful

It’s already the second week of November. We’re all supposed to go around being thankful for stuff. Like thankful for how the trick or treaters have left us with ten pounds of pixie sticks and a piece of banana Laffy Taffy! Miss CP’s mouth is raw from sucking those straws filled with Kool-aid powder until her tongue peels.
So, Miss Crankypants is crankier than usual today. Even though she’s ashamed, she is not thankful. What is she not thankful for?
She thought you’d never ask! 
First off, she is NOT thankful for Black Friday, which is sneaking up on us this very moment. Miss CP can’t understand why any live person would get up at 3 AM and stand out in the cold, waiting for Target to open. Calm down, people. There will be plenty of iPhone 5s, Cabbage Patch dolls and Tickle Me Elmos. Although she concedes that merchants are counting on a plethora of idiots to swarm their wares on the day after Thanksgiving, she is rather grumpy at 3AM, when her three criminal cats like to wake her up to be let out. She’s staying home mostly to catch up on sleep.
Second, Miss Crankypants is NOT thankful for leaves right now. The beautiful fall color is waist-high in her yard, courtesy of about a zillion big-leaf maples. Even the neighbor’s maples have shipped their supply of leaves her way. Or maybe her neighbor is getting tricky with his leaf blower, blasting those big leaves onto her yard. She knows–the leaves make great garden mulch and kindergarten refrigerator art work. But there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, as Miss CP discovered when she couldn’t find her car this morning. Buried in leaves isn’t just a saying round these parts.

Last, Miss Cranky is NOT thankful for tofurkey, TurDucKen turkey, or frankenturkey.
Deep-fry the bird if you must, but stop trying to foist your views upon a poor dead tom or hen. These fowl get no respect! Yes, we all try to invent ways to keep our turkey slices from tasting like old sandpaper. But be kind and don’t try to reanimate a poor dearly departed Butterball. That’s what happens when your turkey fryer suddenly goes up in flames. Mark her words, Miss CP warns. If your fryer fries the bird, your brother-in-law and your eyebrows, you’ll be thankful for fire extinguishers.
Miss Crankypants can hardly wait until next week, when the Robo-carols begin!

About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

6 comments on “She’s So Not Thankful

  1. Oh, Miss CP!! Sad to say, the elevator carols have begun already. But the true injustice of the season is that there are Christmas decorations in all the major stores already. Have been for a month. Who’s going to complain about THAT if you don’t?

    I do get the leaf problem. Also, I would NEVER EVER get dressed for shopping at 3 a.m.!!! NEVER!! That would mean I would have to get up by 2 a m. There aren’t big enough savings in the whole world to make me. Sleep is my friend. I won’t be robbed of one single minute.

    And canned turkey or turducken, tofurkey, frankenturkey–I feel a stutter coming on–whatever the faux turkey concoction, PUHLEASE!! This is simply unAmerican! Give me a house where a turkey is roasting in the oven along with the obligatory green bean casserole, yams with marshmallows browning on top, a couple of apple pies and pumpkin pies cooling on the counter and my SIGH’O’METER will on max out for the year. I love thanksgiving!

    • Ain’t it the truth? Actually Miss CP’s husband prefers ham, so there’s this big fight every year. And wouldn’t you know it? The one year she wins, Miss CP’s oven breaks down halfway through cooking the turkey! We had to go out for ham. No justice in this world, I tell ya. Don’t start singing the dog’s Jingle Bells rendition or I’ll swoon. ~Miss CP aka Linda

  2. Ӏ reallу love your site.. Gгeat colors & thеme.
    Did you builԁ this webѕite youгself?
    Pleаse replу back as I’m planning to create my own website and would like to learn where you got this from or just what the theme is called. Thank you!
    My web page ; rally cars

    • Hey Anon,
      Thanks for reading Miss Crankypants. The “design” is a standard Blogger template, no big deal. I forgot what it’s called but you can easily look it up if you build a Blogger blog. I’m glad you like the blog, but keep your comments limited to Miss Crankypants, OK? Thanks! Miss CP aka Linda

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