It’s already the second week of November. We’re all supposed to go around being thankful for stuff. Like thankful for how the trick or treaters have left us with ten pounds of pixie sticks and a piece of banana Laffy Taffy! Miss CP’s mouth is raw from sucking those straws filled with Kool-aid powder until her tongue peels.
So, Miss Crankypants is crankier than usual today. Even though she’s ashamed, she is not thankful. What is she not thankful for?
She thought you’d never ask!
First off, she is NOT thankful for Black Friday, which is sneaking up on us this very moment. Miss CP can’t understand why any live person would get up at 3 AM and stand out in the cold, waiting for Target to open. Calm down, people. There will be plenty of iPhone 5s, Cabbage Patch dolls and Tickle Me Elmos. Although she concedes that merchants are counting on a plethora of idiots to swarm their wares on the day after Thanksgiving, she is rather grumpy at 3AM, when her three criminal cats like to wake her up to be let out. She’s staying home mostly to catch up on sleep.
Second, Miss Crankypants is NOT thankful for leaves right now. The beautiful fall color is waist-high in her yard, courtesy of about a zillion big-leaf maples. Even the neighbor’s maples have shipped their supply of leaves her way. Or maybe her neighbor is getting tricky with his leaf blower, blasting those big leaves onto her yard. She knows–the leaves make great garden mulch and kindergarten refrigerator art work. But there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, as Miss CP discovered when she couldn’t find her car this morning. Buried in leaves isn’t just a saying round these parts.
Last, Miss Cranky is NOT thankful for tofurkey, TurDucKen turkey, or frankenturkey.
Deep-fry the bird if you must, but stop trying to foist your views upon a poor dead tom or hen. These fowl get no respect! Yes, we all try to invent ways to keep our turkey slices from tasting like old sandpaper. But be kind and don’t try to reanimate a poor dearly departed Butterball. That’s what happens when your turkey fryer suddenly goes up in flames. Mark her words, Miss CP warns. If your fryer fries the bird, your brother-in-law and your eyebrows, you’ll be thankful for fire extinguishers.
Miss Crankypants can hardly wait until next week, when the Robo-carols begin!