The Briefest of Briefs

Miss Crankypants has learned that a famous congressman from New York might be running for mayor. A while back, he of the unfortunate last name (Hint: rhymes with meaner), briefly stole the spotlight after he photographed himself in his underwear, only to slink back into oblivion as his 15 minutes of fame dwindled down to nothing.
Why would anybody choose to show off tightie-whities (TWs) to the entire planet? Miss CP thinks she knows.
Miss Cranky has three grown sons and (now) two gorgeous grandsons. She’s been instructing guys about the finer things in life for approximately three hundred years. Fact: They all start out with the TWs–preferably ones with Spiderman on them. Miss CP knows you can get a boy potty-trained before he’s 35 IF you give him cool underwear.
So poor NY-guy-with-a-pic-of-himself made his first mistake by not flashing COOL UNDIES! And while some guys eventually wander over to the boxers side, they still get that far away look in their eyes when they remember those underpants of their youth.
These days a guy can choose from Transformers, The Incredible Hulk, Superman or the ever-reliable Spidey. Let’s not get started on SpongeBob.
Mr. I-am-an-idiot-neener-neener missed a choice opportunity to show off his wardrobe AND make a political statement. Maybe he could leap tall buildings in a single bound, or scale a few walls to emphasize the need for municipal order. Or, he could play the tough guy mayor in Transformer skivvies–Optimus Prime anyone? That would definitely convince NYC to ban all super sized underwear along with the sugary drinks.
And don’t forget that fashion underwear was good enough for UNDERDOG, that brilliant pooch who always saves the day. Mr. Maybe-mayor might get elected by acting like a superhero, even if he is clueless about the rigors of good taste. A public servant should always be informed, even if he wears the briefest of briefs.

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About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

3 comments on “The Briefest of Briefs

  1. I have lately been lamenting the fact that there are really no cool underwear for grammas. Teens and thong-wearers might get away with ridiculous sayings but I just want a pair of Dora the Explorer or Merida/Brave like my 4yo granddaughter.

    I hadn’t heard about my rhymes with meaner. Of course. Perfect man for the job! Have a complete lack of class and common sense and you’re a sure fit for higher office!

  2. I must protest! Unless a man running for public office looks like Tom Cruise in RISKY BUSINESS, I truly DO NOT want that image of a politician in TW (or any other type of underwear, super-hero or not) to get stuck in my brain!!!! Enough that we THE PUBLIC are subjected to constant airing of their dirty laundry by the media. Spare me, please!

    So glad you managed not to divulge the actual identity of this infamous wannabee mayor. Not that he would care.

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