There aren’t enough hours in the day to cover all the griping Miss Crankypants has to do. If she’s not investigating sibling rivalry (Mom! He got the same as me and I didn’t!), it’s trying to dust the entertainment center without her spouse going ballistic about the remotes. Mr. Cranky must have dozens of these babies–all lined up in a neat row. Of course, no living person can remember what ANY of them is for, but Miss CP knows this: they’re all black and they gather a mean dust.
And no Swiffer ever made can clean the electronics department in Miss CP’s home.
While we’re on the subject of Revolutionary! Household! Helps!, Miss Cranky will go on record to beg the young housekeepers out there: Do we really need to reinvent dusting, with fancy synthetic feathery dust wands that cost as much as the thing you’re dusting? You could just as easily cut up your hubby’s old undershorts. Not while he’s wearing them, unless you’re really really mad.
In fact, discarded briefs make wonderful dust cloths. Remember your grandma’s rag bag? When they were too young to know better, Miss Cranky and her slightly naughty little sister used to haul out Grandma’s gi-normous undies from the rag bag, hold them up like a mainsail and then double over with laughter. It was almost as much fun as trying on her over-the-shoulder boulder-holder and parading in front of the mirror. Ah, the days of innocence.
Actually, when it came to airing out one’s underpants, Grandma was a lot more understanding than Mr. Cranky. He’s the sort that breaks in a new pair and then wears them for decades. Holes, stains or flabby elastic don’t matter. He’s got his favorites and woe to the person who tries to commandeer them for a dust rag.
In fact, those geezers on TV who claim to be in love with Swiffer dusters are simply getting paid to act excited. You can totally tell that Grandma is plotting to divert Grandpa’s holey boxers to her secret rag bag. Grandpa, of course, is clueless. All he can think of is how clean his electronics look thanks to the SWIFFER, wonder product of the decade. Now if he could just remember what all those dang remotes are for.
