Miss Crankypants would love to have Jane Friedman’s Twitter following. But get this: The former head honcho of Writer’s Digest (or is it Writers Digest?) says her 175,000 follower total really doesn’t matter. Really? Doesn’t? Matter?
Miss Cranky swears that she just heard thousands of writer heads exploding.
As soon as they reassemble their heads, they’ll start griping: “You mean to tell me that the countless hours I’ve spent trying to get as many followers as possible is all for nothing?” According to Jane, yep that’s about it.
At least this revelation answers the burning question Miss CP has been dying to see answered: Why should she follow and be followed by all the peeps in China? She can’t make heads nor tails out of those chicken scratchings that pass for good penmanship. Same goes for Korean, Japanese and that one guy from Arkansas who can’t spell worth beans.
Writers and other folk who’ve been tortured by their pathetic basement “stats,” all while being tortured by tweets about having oatmeal for breakfast, can breathe a little easier. Twitter doesn’t matter!
Can Miss CP get a collective sigh of relief?
Without Twitter, you could dust the book shelves, paint your toenails turquoise or actually get some writing done! If you’re cursed with multiple dependents (kids, cats or other annoying assets) you could scrape hairballs off the rug, clean up the garbage-strewn kitchen or teach that dog once and for all to quit eating your underwear!
Think of the money you’ll save, replacing your Fruit of the Looms slightly less often.
Plus, without Twitter, you won’t fall prey to the onslaught of sales pitches disguised as friendly commentary.
Miss Crankypants warns that there may be a little withdrawal involved here. For those of you who can’t wait five minutes between tweets, a padded room may be necessary, preferably one without Wi-fi. But in a few days, you’ll be exactly where you were before you started all this Twitter nonsense. In the toilet, stat-wise.
If you start to get hate mail from the Chinese, just send them the undie-eating dog.
WHAT A RELIEF!!! I can’t say I ever truly understood the purpose of Twittering. Oh, sure, I pretended to be involved, collected followers and followed people, just because they told me to do this at a writers conference and, as every writer has been well trained to know, everything they suggest at writers conferences should be followed to the letter. I have a writer friend who insists that Twitter opened the door to success for her. I just never got it and didn’t want to expose my ignorance by admitting it.
You;ve done a valuable public service here. I am SOOOOO relieved.
Miz Crank is relieved that her stuff has a possible purpose!
I see my keyboard is acting up with spelling errors in the above comment. Forgive it. It is getting old. (And pay no attention to the pale-faced woman sitting at the keys. She has had the flu for a week and only today begins her journey back to the land of the living.)
ACHOO!
Miss CP is fighting off the same cold/flu/virusfromhell. She is not giving in! Emer-gen-c and voodoo on board for the exorcising of the sickies. Stay Healthy, my friend.