We have so many euphemisms for bodily functions. These functions are created by God and therefore should NOT be the subject of movies for adolescent boys. Or books for that matter.
Case in point is a fine writer Miss CP knows, whose novel includes the word “vomit” three times on one page. Everyone reading this passage immediately says, “EEEEWWW! Gross!”
Well. Miss Crankypants wants to know exactly what words are better? The bland but serviceable “throw up,” the prepubescent “hurl,” the “toss your cookies” option, or–horrors!–“driving the porcelain bus?” We didn’t even get to “blow chunks.” Can I get an EEEWWW?
The other excretions of our God-made selves are even less describable in polite company. That leaves out all boys, and their scatological preoccupations. Mucous may equal snot, belching a plain old burp and saliva becomes drool. But why is flatulence a four-letter word? One that is literally verboten in good clean literature? That leaves out South Park, thank goodness. Humorist Dave Barry once described an encounter with a squirrel who tried to drown itself in his toilet. He was being interviewed on TV and purportedly exclaimed, “When did you start?” Only the word “start” came out with an f and we all know where that leads. Right to the bathroom whereupon a giant cake of Ivory is shoved into his dirty mouth.
You say that Miss Crankypants has her mind in the gutter? OK, but at some point writers need a creative way to describe the myriad ways God invented to relieve us of excess gas, liquids and yup, solids. EEEWWW! But don’t worry: Miss Crankypants is devoted to creativity, even when it involves squirrels going for a dip in the loo. Since she herself raised three sons, she is totally familiar with any unsavory term you can fling at her. But if you dare to write about it, make sure you use a suitable euphemism. Otherwise you’ll have the Clean Living Society on your hands and a full bar of soap in your mouth.