Everywhere she goes, Miss Crankypants hears from authors who treat their books like so many cans of peanuts. Writers are no longer mysterious wordsmiths, weaving riveting tales from their dark and musty garrett. No more Mr. Shakespeare. Now, it’s legions of writers hawking their wares from every corner of Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn.
There’s something wrong with pushing writers to boil their countless hours of storyspinning into a tight five word logo. Besides that, Miss Crankypants has noticed that all the good slogans are taken. The rest of writerdom is getting stuck with slogans that confuse rather than amuse. Thus, “Stories with Punch” conjures a novel wearing boxing gloves. “Thrilling Yarns That Tangle” only appeals to the very bad cat who knocks over tea mugs onto the keyboard. And “Tales That Make You Want to Go to the Refrigerator and Pig Out” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.
But if you want to make it as an author these days, branding is essential. You’re never going to sell more books than you have relatives if you don’t get yourself a brand! Except that Miss Crankypants is so cheap, she never buys brand-name anything. This is a problem.
Miss Crankypants really needs your help.
So far, she’s come up with the lamest slogan ever: “No-name Housebrand Generic Stories that Are Always on Sale, Dented or Last Year’s Model.”
Send in your idea for a cool Miss CP brand and you could win a dented can of nuts.
