Today Miss Crankypants finds herself wallowing with some other writers in Bad Review Land and boy, is the fur a’flyin’. Writers can’t just sympathize with one another over a one star rating. Noooo. They must endlessly debate the correct response to these mood-killing bombs.
Writer A: So I get this horrible one star review over on Bookazon. The reviewer gives it a measly one star–without even reading a single word! How does the reader know my book is awful if she hasn’t read a word of it?
Writer B: Suck it up, honey. Awful is as awful does.
Writer C: That shreds it! Let’s organize a hit squad. With whiskers and tails!
Writer A: I was really only asking how much of a book–awful or not–a reviewer should be forced to read before posting a review.
Writer B: Honey, into each life a little rain must fall.
Writer C: Lynching’s too good for that one-star menace! Battlestations, everyone. Is that a treat you’re holding?
Writer A: Wait! I’m not the violent type. Bookazon just needs some guidelines.
Writer B: Puhleeze. How can anyone prove they read a book?
Writer A: Well, in 7th grade, we did oral book reports.
Writer C: Take this book and shove it! Down her throat!
Writer A: No! That’s my last copy!
Writer B: Can’t we just snip this thread? Arguing makes me feel incontinent.
Writer A: You mean discontent? (sighs) I guess I’ll just have to head to Bookazon and write a few reviews myself.
Writer B: Uh, that’s illegal isn’t it?
Writer C: And I was all set to break some mouse fingers.
Writer A: Writer C, are you by any chance a 30 pound cat?
Writer C: (licks paws) So? We’ll send a giant hairball. That’ll keep ’em honest.
Writer A: (groans) That’s what I’m afraid of! An honest one star review? EEK!