A Writer in Bad Review Land

Today Miss Crankypants finds herself wallowing with some other writers in Bad Review Land and boy, is the fur a’flyin’. Writers can’t just sympathize with one another over a one star rating. Noooo. They must endlessly debate the correct response to these mood-killing bombs.

Writer A: So I get this horrible one star review over on Bookazon. The reviewer gives it a measly one star–without even reading a single word! How does the reader know my book is awful if she hasn’t read a word of it?
Writer B: Suck it up, honey. Awful is as awful does.
Writer C: That shreds it! Let’s organize a hit squad. With whiskers and tails!
Writer A: I was really only asking how much of a book–awful or not–a reviewer should be forced to read before posting a review.
Writer B: Honey, into each life a little rain must fall.
Writer C: Lynching’s too good for that one-star menace! Battlestations, everyone. Is that a treat you’re holding?
Writer A: Wait! I’m not the violent type. Bookazon just needs some guidelines.
Writer B: Puhleeze. How can anyone prove they read a book?
Writer A: Well, in 7th grade, we did oral book reports.
Writer C: Take this book and shove it! Down her throat!
Writer A: No! That’s my last copy!
Writer B: Can’t we just snip this thread? Arguing makes me feel incontinent.
Writer A: You mean discontent? (sighs) I guess I’ll just have to head to Bookazon and write a few reviews myself.
Writer B: Uh, that’s illegal isn’t it?
Writer C: And I was all set to break some mouse fingers.
Writer A: Writer C, are you by any chance a 30 pound cat?
Writer C: (licks paws) So? We’ll send a giant hairball. That’ll keep ’em honest.
Writer A: (groans) That’s what I’m afraid of! An honest one star review? EEK!

About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.