K, now the cat is outs of the bag. As in the grocery bag that I, Cranky Cat, could not NOT go into. Is that a double negative? Psshh.
Cranky Cat does not care!
See, I is a superior feline. I knows exactly what it takes to get lame-o politicians and stupid elected officials to jump as high as I wants. And I wants. Boy does I wants. First thing I does as your Congresscat:
Get rid of Obamacare!
Why? Because nobody likes Obamacare. Besides, I hates going to the vet! Cranky Cat gets all shivery in my bottoms when anyone even says the V word. I runs but I cannot hide. I sticked my whole head under the bed! And I shutted my eyes! Yet I is discovered.
How comes the humans always finds me?
Anywho, if you votes for me, I will completely dismantle that awful Obamacare. Everybody hates it, especially Cranky Cat. Instead, alls the people and alls the cats will have Crankycare. Alls the dumb dogs will still have a huge deductible, hahaha.
With Crankycare, you not only gets to keep your doctor, you gets to keep him in a carrier like the one the humans stuff me in before they drag me to see the v… v… Oh you knows. Let’s see how that white-coated demon holding that rectal thermometer likes staring out at the likes of Cranky Cat! As a special bonus, I leaves a nice big hairball in da cage for Mr. Doctorman to play with.
And Cranky Care will revolutionize waiting rooms! Alls the dumb dogs will stay home with their fleas and ticks or else go to work sick cuz they can’ts afford an office visit! No more dumb Rottweiler pics on doctors’ walls! Cranky Cat hates Rotts! Only cute kitteh photos will be allowed on walls. Ta Da! You gets to see Cranky Cat alls over the place.
Plus, with CrankyCare, no snip-snips allowed! Cranky Cat hates snip-snip. Hows do the girl kittehs know a boy kitteh if he gots to get snipped? Makes Cranky Cat squirm just thinking about it. Let boy kitties be boy kitties!
Best of alls, Crankycare will keep alls the playground bullies from making funs of the way God made us. Cranky Cat gots no tail. So what? You wants to make something of it? I will bite you!
That’s why CC will makes awesome Congressman. Or Congresscat. Anybody on the Hill who won’t play Cranky Cat’s way will be promptly clawed to ribbons. And if you hates Crankycare as much as you hates Obamacare, well has Cranky Cat gots a bite for you.
I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.