Nongratitude: A Fine Feline Tradition

Cranky Cat would like the record to show that he is NOT grateful. For anything. When Miss Crankypants mentions her new tag line: GRIPING BEFORE GRATITUDE, Cranky Cat’s nonplussed.
“Meh,” he says, casually licking his back paw. “Sounds like too much work.”
Miss CP scratches her head. “Actually, griping takes a lot of energy. Did you know research shows it takes twice as much muscle power to frown than to smile?”
CC growls. “You want a smile? I’ll bite that for a dollar.”
“It’s BUY that for a dollar, silly.”
Cranky Cat sniffs. “Not when I do it.”
“Look,” Miss Cranky says, feeling that eye twitch she gets when she’s getting stressed out. “The agent advised me that some publishers might not see edgy material as humorous. She said to limit the amount of biting sarcasm.”
 “Pfffttt.” Cranky Cat yawns.You’re the boring one. I’m edgier than a steel ruler. Personally, I’d like to see a lot more biting going on around here.”
Miss CP’s hands go on her hips. “Oh and I suppose you’ll be in charge of that department?”
Cranky Cat stretches and begins sharpening his claws on the sofa arm. “When was the last time YOU bit anyone?”
Miss CP thinks for a moment. “But I was only three years old!”
“You bit your dad, right? He was so mad, he held you under a cold shower–to teach you a lesson.”
Miss CP hisses, “Do you have to bring that up every time?”
Cranky Cat shows his fangs. “See? There’s absolutely nothing to be grateful about. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have places to go, people to see.”
“Don’t you mean people to bite?”
“Whatev. I’ll bite that for a dollar.”

About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

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