Miss Crankypants would never have guessed that in her golden years, it would be hip and even fashionable to carry a purse big enough to hold a four drawer file cabinet. And that’s just the cell phone pocket! But here we are with purses that need a strong shoulder and a long arm. A very long arm.
Miss CP knows there are handbags out there to help you organize everything into separate pockets. There’s a pouch for your keys, your phone, your wallet, your credit card longing to be free. Without an organizer, the huddled masses of Kleenex, gum, chapstick, hand sanitizer, cough drops, breath mints, and whatnot sink to the bottom, never to be seen again.
Trouble is, Miss Cranky ends up spending hours looking for the right door–the zipper pouch holding whatever it is she can’t find. After years of trying to get organized–at least when it comes to purses–she’s giving up. And going with the Black Hole of Calcutta style.
In a one-pit-stores-all model, she’s learned you do not want black lining. Especially if your wallet/credit card holder/coin purse are also black.
Miss Cranky has held up many a checkout line as she scrabbled in the innards of her purse, frantically searching for anything resembling a way to pay for her items. No, a linty cough drop is not legal tender. Neither do most stores accept dried-out sticks of Juicy Fruit that have lurked in the depths since 1965. Miss CP has been so humiliated by her own handbag that rather than feel the laser-sharp gaze of fifteen other customers on the back of her sweaty little neck, she’s left her groceries on the counter and run out to the car.
Thrown under the bus by your own purse?
Only in Miss Cranky’s world would mice actually take up residence in the bottomless pocketbook, and even they would complain about how dark it is down there. They’re thinking of redecorating, tearing out that ugly black lining. Then they’ll be making a Blue Room and maybe even a Lincoln bedroom and an Oval Office. At least then Miss Crankypants’ wallet might stand out. And she might retrieve it, if she can reach that far down into the Purse of No Return.
