Cranky Cat is under the weather today. For a Siamese/Manx whose biggest worry is how many treats he can beg for in any given day, this is big. But Miss Crankypants knows taking the Tailless Wonder to see the vet is asking for trouble.
See, Paladine, aka Cranky, is not your ordinary kitteh. He tends toward the melancholy, which means if he doesn’t bite something now and then, he’s going to scratch you silly. Getting this slightly obese (all Miss CP’s cats are big-boned) terror into a cat carrier is nothing short of miraculous.
The last time Pala-cranky went to see the vet, he was able to give Miss Cranky seven years of bad luck. He managed to wrestle out of her death grip and kick the smithereens out of a mirror that was nearby, just minding its own biz. It took thirteen tries to get the cat into the cage, but he only wasted about 2.5 of his 9 lives. Miss CP wasn’t so lucky and had to take out extra life insurance after being shredded by the claws of this maniacal beast.
So today, CrankyCat is crouching out in the yard, looking positively GREEN. You know that raggedy look cats’ fur gets when they are feeling peevish? That’s him in a nutshell. Miss Crankypants suspects it’s only a hairball, but then she worries. Yes, Pallie is a jerk, but what if he’s really sick? Should she risk life and limb to put him in the carrier and truck him off to the V-E-T?
Oh you think that’s funny do you? The last time she rushed a kitty to the kitty doc, it turned out like this:
MCP: The cat’s not feeling well. Keeps hiding under the bed.
Vet: We need to run a few tests. (translation: We need to finance our staff trip to the French Riviera)
MCP: Can’t you just take a look at him and tell me why he’s acting this way?
Vet: We’ll need to run a few tests.
MCP: What if you don’t run the tests?
Vet: (smiling churlishly) Then I’d say, if it’s not a hairball, this cat has a little cold. That’ll be $150.
This is what Miss Crankypants gets for providing a loving home for wayward kitties. One of her kids ought to become a vet. For now, she’s going to observe CrankyCat and see if he gets any worse before bringing out LE CRATE. With her kind of luck, though, the vet will want to run a few tests.
He’s not sick. He’s punishing you. Trips to the vet are strictly off limits. How would you like to have a hard object the size of a forearm stuck up your old address? (Proportionately speaking)
We always put Roy in the carrier backwards. So far, he’s not onto that old trick. Sh! You are sworn to secrecy. Wink, wink.
We also do the backward trick, but Paladine is a very strong cat (we don’t call him Bunny Feet for nothing) and has kicked his way out of the carrier before the door can slam. Wiley, that one. If Melchior the 30 pound cat ever gets sick we’ll either have to find a crate for a Great Dane or else see if the vet makes house calls. Miz Cranque aka Linda