Another celebrity imprint has Miss Crankypants’ pants all in a wad. Now Johnny Depp plans to muscle his way into our share of the publishing pie, folks! Isn’t it enough that Depp is fabulously handsome, incredibly smart and a dang good actor? In his early film “Edward Scissorhands,” Miss CP actually thought he’d grown real scissors for hands–he was that convincing.
Meanwhile, we, the REAL Edward Scissorhands of the world want to know why brilliant famous people just can’t stop when it comes to the arts. What is it about a book that makes all these celebs crave the title of author ?
Natch, Miss CP has a theory.
Celebrities long to become writers because we write in our jammies! Yep.While actors and musicians and various sundry artiste types are out at the bar every night, we writers stay home, alone in our tiny garrets and write away, our bunny slippers adding little sniffles of loneliness to a writer’s life. Ed Scissorhands probably couldn’t get his pjs on without cutting them to shreds. He probably doesn’t even OWN bunny slippers.
Writers of the world unite! We of the pajama persuasion must stop these Hollywood stars from hijacking the publishing industry. You say that a rising tide lifts all boats? Well not if your bunny slippers get wet! Join Miss Cranky in her one-writer fight to keep celebrities on stage and away from the writing desk. We’ll begin with a letter-writing campaign.
Dear Miss CP,
How I love you! I am oh so grateful that you complain so I don’t have to. Complaining tends to scrunch my face and wrinkles I do not need.
Anyway, this is a topic that needed to be addressed! Surely Mr. Depp already has all the money he could ever need, so he doesn’t need to gobble up the royalty pie. (There’s really not much to gobble, is there?)
Just one other thing I want to thank you for–I didn’t know that I am not equipped properly for writing. I have the tiny turret and the jammies, but not the bunny slippers. So I have no one or nothing to add little sniffles of loneliness. That must be why I haven’t cranked out a best-seller yet. What can I say? I didn’t know. Where does one find these prerequisites? Well, that does explain a lot.
Also, I do wonder what “a rising tide lifts all boats” means. I’ll have to ponder that a while. Thank you, Miss CP, for doing what you do so well.
About that rising tide–if Mr. Depp causes publishing pockets (mostly of execs) to swell with cash, is that good for all of us? NOT! Get yourself some cute bunny slippers, m’dear, and join the rest of us Lonely Hearts. Miss CP aka Linda
Hey, I’m on board! We need to convince the execs that what the public is pining for is another Pirates of the Caribbean movie!!! Resurrect Captain Jack one more time!! Or two…or three….
Miss Crankypants agrees! Jack Sparrow is unmatched for glorious self-indugence and black eyeliner. Thanks for commenting and please tell all your friends that Miss Cranky posts on Tues-Thurs. Miss CP aka Linda