Miss Crankypants has a dear friend whose life work is puppets. Yep. Who knew you could get a master’s in puppetry? This friend has proved that you can make a living hiding behind a puppet theater and talking in silly voices. Her puppets imitate real life, and Miss CP means that in the best possible way. Don’t look now, but there’s trouble brewing. From teensy finger puppets, to eyes and mouth colored on the side of your hand to giant walking marionettes, puppets everywhere are threatening to take over the world! Pinocchio, the original evil puppet dude, is the leader. He and his pal, the apartment-sized giant whale, have a few lies they’d love to sell you.
So what does this have to do with writing, you ask?

Well Miss CP is going to tell you. Instead of book marks or cheesy sparkly pencils with petrified erasers on one end, authors can start giving away a puppet with every purchase. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
Here’s how it works: Authors stay up late, fashioning puppets out of whatever’s on hand. Except if you want to make puppets ON your hand, you might want to rethink that. C’mon. You can’t give away your actual hand, now can you?
Pay attention. This new marketing angle is going to revolutionize book events the way bad authors overuse exclamation points!!!!!! So you’ve got a jillion puppets. Now what? If you think you’re going to win out by giving away cheap-o finger puppets made out of old pantyhose, think again. You will soon be outsold by the author at the next table, who has sprung for a ten foot tall walking Pinocchio puppet like they have in parades.
Whether you choose the old brown paper bag puppet or a fancy marionette, the main point is to make the puppets look like the characters in your book. Think what this could’ve meant for Moby Dick! Not sure how to make a multi-ton whale into a puppet, but you get the idea.
So authors, famous or not so famous, forget about those dumb bookmarks. That’s so 20th century. Gather your puppets and they may decide to ditch the world domination thing and just focus on becoming real boys.
Oh. And if you want to feast your eyes on my friend’s AWESOME puppets, visit her at the Great Arizona Puppet Theater.