Why Dogs R Dumb

Cranky Cat sez talk to the tail.

O hai again. Cranky Cat gots all kinds of letters and stuff from dogs wondering why I is always saying dogs are dumb. Isn’t it painfully obvious? But okay, hold phone, I is going explain one more time: Dogs are dumb cuz (drumroll, please) they is not cats.

See, cats is the alpha of the food chain (and the Iams chain and the tuna-flavored treat chain). When God made Eve, He naturally created a CAT to sit on her lap while she knitted Adam a stocking cap. Adam was already in Dog House, see, and had to sleep on couch for past three days. God forced to make dogs just so Adam would not get lonely. That left Eve and the Cat looking out window at Adam and Dog, who was freezing their tails off outside. Dog blamed Cat for all that was wrong with this picture, but Cat and Eve just pushed their noses in it, saying, “Neener, neener.”

God sort of had headache by now. But cat was out of bag, ya know? Eve wasn’t letting Adam (or Dog) back inside til they said sorries for hogging remote and for coming to bed with DOG BREATH. Womans no like dog breath, stupid man. Get some Listerine or else sleep in Doghouse forevers. 

Idiot dog tell Adam he smell just fine! Eve throwed Adam’s pillow out window and curled up with good book and Cat.

And that’s why Dogs is so Dumb.

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About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

2 comments on “Why Dogs R Dumb

  1. You totally crack me up, Linda. I’m willing to own my dog is dumb, and I’ll even admit that while some dogs have souls, Edmund only has an ego. I don’t expect to see him heaven. Hugs, friend.

    • Oh man, Heather you don’t know how CC and Miss CP tremble, just waiting for somebody to point out that dogs (and yes, even cats) do not possess souls thereby leaving them both out of the whole pie-in-the-sky idea of heaven. But if they did, I’m not sure Cranky Cat would get in. Hugs back, friend. Linda

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