Writers who set out to tackle memoir often get trapped in their own life’s story. One way to succeed at memoir writing is to remember: A memoir really isn’t about you.

Writing Tip for Today: Here are some ways to approach memoir writing:

Not About You

Did you gasp at the phrase, “it’s not about you?” Because of course a memoir is about your life or a part of it. What I mean here is that while you write about your experiences, your readers are looking for ways to identify with those experiences. A successful memoir is more about the parts of your story that readers can see themselves in.

Celebrity memoirs often chronicle the celeb’s life, but chances are, you’re not a celebrity. A chronicle (this happened and then this happened, etc) won’t resonate with many outside of your immediate circle. That’s why your story must reflect qualities that others feel or aspire to.

While your life story may be exciting, harrowing or unusual, most readers still need to connect emotionally. Work on adding qualities or experiences which elicit emotions and universal human needs such as the need for love, belonging or security.

Emotional Buildups

As in fiction, a memoir must gradually build tension. The story’s protagonist should have a goal, obstacles to overcome and should be a changed person by the end. Lean toward including scenes rather than long passages of narration. Keep your camera tightly focused on how you (the protagonist) react to each event, complication and surprise.

The old “show, don’t tell” rule is important in memoir. Work on honing your skill in showing by writing in scenes and showing emotion rather than telling about it. Instead of writing that you are angry, take tricks from fiction and show the emotion through physical reaction and inner dialogue and narration. Infuse your story with more love than hate, more redemption than revenge.

Avoid placing your high point of tension and emotion too near the beginning of your memoir. You want tension to grow with each scene, culminating at the climax scene. Don’t place the deepest emotion and highest tension at the opening too shock readers into reading. Rather, hint at the goal and put you the protagonist into direct action as quickly as you can.

“Beware a memoir full of self pity. Write even hate with love.” –Mary Karr, bestselling memoirist

Extraordinary Ordinariness

Just because you aren’t famous doesn’t mean you can’t succeed at writing a memoir. Instead of focusing on your entire life, select a chunk when you changed, grew or learned the most. Marry that experience with deeply felt emotions and your memoir will be more effective.

Many writers mistakenly think their most dramatic events are great memoir subjects. Unfortunately, you or your loved one’s cancer treatment, your car crash or some other dramatic event doesn’t always translate to a good memoir. As memoirist Mary Karr advises, “Beware a memoir full of self pity. Write even hate with love.”

Although your emotions run high in these kinds of circumstances, memoirs like these often get derailed with medical jargon, grisly details and the like. Readers are more apt to see themselves in more mundane settings where they can recognize and relate to everyday experiences in a new and profound way. When you write a memoir, remember that yes, you are the protagonist. But the story really isn’t about you. It’s about the parts of you that readers recognize and identify in their own lives.

What’s the most difficult part of memoir writing for you?