The Big Fish, Cranky Cat

Miss Crankypants’ dear old dad used to lecture her against hanging out with older kids. “Would you rather be a little fish in a big pond or a big fish in a little pond?”

“I just want to be famous!” Miss CP’s teen aged self would insist. “And you know I hate fish!” This last part referred to her ongoing queasy relationship with Fish Fridays at the school cafeteria.
Now, eons later, Dad’s words echo in Miss Cranky’s pointy little head. As she fights for the top spot in the Good Clean Humor category of writers, she’s aware of a bit of truth in Daddy-o’s questions. Miss CP definitely feels like a little fish in the deepest ocean!

It gripes her to no end that hardly anybody knows Miss Crankypants’ name. Even Cranky Cat–who by the way, is demanding his very own Cranky Cat Page–is a household word compared to her Crankyship. She bets Cranky Cat doesn’t have to swim faster than Nemo in order to avoid being gobbled by bigger fish, although in fairness, Cranky Cat only has to defend himself from bad tuna IN A CAN.

Not so Miss Cranky. She’s fighting for equal time on the comedy stage, when one well-known stand-up, whose name rhymes with Wanda, gleefully cuts in front and starts in on a spiel about Road Kill.

Relax! Let the record show that both Miss CP and Cranky Cat are not going to force anyone to consume roadkill.

But this Wanda person would have you believe that life is just a bowl of flattened possum.

Not so.

Life is really a series of gripes about which you can do exactly nothing! And Miss Cranky knows from experience that writing is exactly like the Food Chain. If you get all smug and say you’re now a big fish, a HUMONGOUS fish will sneak up and swallow you without even chewing. The most any of us can hope for is that the fish who shredded you is about to be gulped down by an even BIGGER fish!

Where does it end? Hint: Not in world-wide fame.
Oh JOY. It ends in that “little pond” Dad used to urge Miss Crankypants to join. This pond is so small, she keeps meeting herself on the far turn. In the little pond she’s bigger than anybody else, but it’s hardly the Adult Swim.

This pond’s so tiny, Miss CP doesn’t even need water wings. So while Cranky Cat rockets to stardom, Miss CP will probably wander in endless circles, watching out for murderous minnows and hoping no roadkill comes floating by. She is NOT eating any fish whatsoever!

But watch out, Wanda. Cranky Cat will eat just about anything.