Miss Crankypants is off on an excursion to that sunniest of desert places, her home state of Arizona. But today she’s not in the Valley of the Sisters of the Facelift. Nope. Instead, she’s gamely driven for hours, praying the whole darn time she will magically locate Chino Valley, otherwise known as That Dirt Spot in the Road.
This is the less traveled Dirt Spot in the Road, too. It’s the last place you want your car to break down, get a flat tire or be attacked by killer bees. Chino Valley is the sort of place where the tumbling tumbleweeds are bigger than SUVs and cougars will snatch your dog right out of your backyard. At night, it’s so dark you don’t see that dry gulch until you’ve fallen headlong into the sucker. And getting here, Miss Crankypants only got lost a few times!
Have you ever tried to make a U-turn on a road that’s so narrow even the snakes look obese in comparison?
Not to mention the sheer drop-offs on either side. It was perhaps only the first or second time God has ever fielded a prayer about a car’s turning circle!
So MISS CP whips out the handy cell phone to ask her dear old dad just where on God’s green Earth his house could be. But wait! Miss Cranky owns possibly the stupidest smartphone on the planet! This cheap Chinese Mickey Mouse piece of junk has conveniently turned itself off while Miss CP’s front wheel dangles off the edge of the abyss.
Lovely.
When Dad finally picks up Miss Crankypants is screaming. “What’s the matter?” He asks, his inflection obviously dripping with why-can’t-you-follow-simple-directions sarcasm.
“Was I supposed to turn back at the light?” Miss CP eyes the crumbling shoulder of the Dirt Spot in the Road.
“Where are you?”
“If I knew that I wouldn’t be calling you!” The car rocks ominously with her every yell.
“Well yes you should’ve followed the signs to Ash Fork.” Later she’ll learn Ash Fork, AZ is the FLAGSTONE Capital of the World!
“There were no signs to Ash Fork.”
“Well go back and you’ll see them, plain as day!”
