Miss Crankypants is always searching for new ways to enlarge her cranky world and take more poor unsuspecting readers down with her. But it may surprise you to learn she recently reached out to a well-known blog–which shall remain nameless–asking if the powers-that-be were interested in including a few yuks from Miss CP.
When they (very speedily) said not only no, but heck no, Miss Cranky was shocked. Shocked!
Who doesn’t need a dose of cranky to brighten her day? Miss CP has decided it’s a conspiracy. Somewhere in the depths of a damp basement office, an editor with a giant NO! button sits, gleefully ejecting all who darken her door.
The person at this blog thingie said Miss CP is not suitable for their readers. That got Mademoiselle Cranque wondering just who these suitable readers are.
Right away she homes in on the word SUIT. Aha! These readers must be of the stuffed shirt variety. ABLE? Not by Miss Crankypants’ standards. Readers who are not suitable for crankiness of the highest caliber must be idiots! Morons! Dweebs of the Benevolent Order of Dweebs. Tax Collectors!
Either that or they’re squirrels. Tax-collecting squirrels whose only mission in life is to strip the suit right off your back!
Even the squirrels have been grouchy these past few weeks. Why, they haven’t seen the sun since September! These furry friends race around Miss CP’s back yard, arguing over peanuts (really) and accusing one another of stealing the nest material. They scream and bark at each other to the point it gives Miss Crank a headache, whereupon the cranky Head Squirrel tells her what she can do with that headache. Clearly, these rodents are ripe for a weekly Crankypants rant!
Of course she’ll need to bribe them with lots of peanuts.
Miss Cranky is going to work harder at wooing the squirrels in her neighborhood, enticing the little devils with truly fine Cranky Literature. Since she can’t write for that unnamed blog thingie, she’ll have to grow her audience one tax-collecting squirrel at a time.