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| Cranky Cat hates bowl games |
Cranky Cat would love to yank the keyboard out from under Keyboard Cat. This poser, according to the trio of murderous felines who live with Miss Crankypants, only pretends to play a keyboard.
FOOL.
Cranky Cat has obtained secret information which exposes Keyboard as a total sell out. No self-respecting cat would agree to provide entertainment for a PUPPY BOWL!
When was the last time any dog wanted a kitteh on its staff? NEVER! The Animal Planet channel is trying to pull a fast one, folks. They want us to believe that dogs are the stars of the show. That’s wrong on SO many levels.
Let’s face it. Dogs, besides being mainly dumb as dirt, are well-known toilet bowl drinkers. Triple EEEWWW! Plus, dogs hardly ever want their main rivals in life to hog the spotlight. This Sunday, at the Tenth Puppy Bowl we can expect pooches with grudges to gnaw umpires’ ankles, chase penguin cheerleaders and lift their legs on who else? The bane of every mutt’s existence: C-A-T-S.
And that’s just in the first quarter.
When halftime rolls around, the dumb dogs will have forgotten why they’re there and will no doubt chase their own tails and tackle their own quarterback.
Spectators will be more than ready for KEYBOARD CAT.
If you think about it, the last few human Super Bowl half time shows haven’t been much better than a cat in a hat, appearing to paw around on a fake keyboard.
After the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction, it’s been pretty much downhill. Just how many shows of a scantily clad siren as she gyrates her way through lip-synced songs, do we need? In Cranky Cat’s opinion, the feline is ever-so-much more talented, especially in the art of sitting, sleeping and the most impressive gift: raising one’s back leg behind one’s head while bathing.
Let’s see Beyonce’ do that.
Meanwhile, Keyboard Cat is a total SELL-OUT, if Cranky Cat is to be believed. He doesn’t care if you watch the Super Bowl or the Puppy Bowl this Sunday, but he does request you stay clear of the toilet bowl. If Keyboard Cat’s half-time performance is as bad as his lame outfit, even Cranky Cat may want to drive the porcelain bus.
