The Pilgrims first football game

Here we are in football season, the time when perfectly rational folks go ape over a bunch of guys in bulky suits and silly hats, all chasing a cigar-shaped ball that looks like a UFO. Many sane people believe that football savagery puts our evolutionary progress on the level with Neanderthal man, who supposedly died out because he was so stupid.
But when you think about it, a modern drunk tailgater, painted in team-colors and dousing his barbecue fire in lighter fluid, makes about as much sense as poor John Neanderthal failing to bring down the mammoth with a few pointed insults.
Some people loathe football, but it IS an American tradition dating back to the Pilgrims.
Miss Cranky is pretty sure football became the national sport (sorry baseball) during the era of the Pilgrims. They too dressed in bulky suits, wore funny hats, got drunk and chased pigs all around Jamestown.
That First Thanksgiving, the guys were no doubt SUPER bored after the third slice of pie and a few kegs of hard cider. They could barely move, so stuffeth were the Thanksgivers.
But the women wanted them out of the house NOW. So these poor dudes stood around outdoors, boasting about who had the biggest silver buckles on their shoes and tossing around ye olde pig.
Suddenly, a group of guys had an idea. They got together and agreed it would be way funner to keep ye olde pig away from the rest of the Pilgrims. Thus, the first huddle was born. The guys on the other side vowed to get revengeth and it was on. Oh, it was SO on.
For four quarters, the Pilgrims chaseth each other up and down the field, occasionally kicking the pig through a couple of upright cornstalks. And at the end of that First Thanksgiving, only one team could say: “Verily, thy team sucketh big time.”  After which they all gave each other a pat on the behind.