A friend of Miss Crankypants is all agog. Her first book is coming out and she’s giddy with anticipation. When someone suggested a book launch party, she got stars in her eyes.
But wait! Stop the presses and hold the advance!
Miss CP, ever her my glass-is-half-empty-and-there’s-something-floating-in-it self, couldn’t resist a cautionary tale.
In Miss Crankypants’ illustrious literary career, she’s had more than one book launch party from hell. “Go ahead and hope for the best,” she tells her friend. “But don’t be surprised when everything goes to the dogs (and cats).”

The book launch party that never should have been started off on the exact wrong day. A world-renowned pop star had the nerve to die! Talk about raining on one’s parade. It was all people could talk about. Which was really depressing, since Miss CP was dying to have her book be the topic du jour. Then, the hall she’d rented called to say that there’d been some mix-up. A flash mob of Thriller dancers had scheduled the room at the same time. Did we mind too awfully much if our book launch was moved to the preschool room?
After that, things went downhill, and we’re talking a really really slippery slope here. The hundreds of excited book lovers Miss C expected to show up arrived all right: yes, all six of them. What do you do with enough wine and cheese to serve a third world country? And all those pencils, bookmarks and trinkets with your name stamped on them? The fruit flies were having a heyday.
We sat around on these itty-bitty preschool chairs, shooing away the flies, making smart and hip literary conversation like this:
Miss CP: “So, do you think you’d like two or more copies of my new book?”
Attendee: “What book? I thought you were the preschool teacher.”
 MCP: “That was a lifetime ago.” Big smile. “Books make great Christmas gifts!”
A: “I’m stuck in this blasted chair! I’m not going to live until Christmas!”
MCP: “Well, you could sit there and read.”
A: “Why would I want to do that?”
MCP: “Hmm. How about to expand your literary horizons?”
Scowls and looks at Miss CP intently. “You’re not the real preschool teacher are you?”
By now the crowd was growing angry, pelting Miss Crankypants with the pencils and trinkets. Luckily, the flash mob zombies showed up and scared them off. The Book Launch Party was a total fail, but Miss CP went down and danced to Thriller. When a huge pop star dies, you just have to go with the flow.