Miss Crankypants has officially taken the plunge to upgrade to a one-stop website, which we shall hereafter refer to as http://www.lindasclare.com. While this may seem obvious to some, Miss CP hasn’t felt so daring since the day she first submitted her crude beginner article to an editor. Back then, we still had to use typewriters and correction tape. Those were the days, when Miss CP would write silly rhymey ditties about leaving out letters in a poem–transforming “super mom” into “Sewer Mom,” which like the Ninja Turtles, was exactly right.
These days, her goal is to make it easier for readers to locate and read all her wonderful holding-forths, griping and kvetching. But let me tell you that this is the blind leading the blind, deaf and lame. SO lame!
First, she can’t find her other blog. The directions say “it may take up to 24 hours for changes to appear,” but Miss CP is not the patient sort of writer. She wants everything done yesterday. A typical mom, she worries that while it’s lost, her other blog will not change its underwear or remember to floss. It will be traumatized and never recover from this feeling of abandonment and lack of spell check. Crankypants stands at the doorway shouting, “O Blog, where art thou?” and “Don’t worry about the loan–I forgive you!”
Then there’s the squishy feeling she gets thinking about all the changes having a website implies. It’s the same unease she feels each time Facebook gets a “brand-new idea” that everybody hates. Will she have to change all her business cards? Sure, there’s the slight perk of getting rid of that stupid url with the name of the book that never sold. But beyond that, Miss CP worries that godsonggrace will start to haunt her, hurling objects through the air at night like a literary poltergeist. Miss CP shudders.
And she is shocked–shocked!–that getting a domain name that sounds exactly like her real name was so easy! Never again will she be forced to type each individual blogspot address as she spreads her propaganda throughout the land. No, now the whole online presence thing feels deceptively facile. If she ever finds her missing blog, she’ll smother it with kisses just before she clocks it in the head. “What were you thinking?” she’ll cry. And the prodigal blog will grin big, knowing that underneath her snarky demeanor, Miss Crankypants is a pushover. But that blog is so busted. You’re grounded, buddy.
