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Miss Crankypants is not usually anything if not cheerfully sarcastic. Cranky Cat is the most joyful sourpuss on the planet. So how on earth has the one and only Miss Cranky landed in the doldrums of depression? She really has no clue. UNLESS . . . Could it be this is all related to Mr. […]
Cranky Cat is like a lot of felines: When Miss Crankypants is away on a business trip, he mopes. And meows fearfully about how he misses her. And plots to punish her when she returns. He can’t threaten to withhold his affections–he has none. And he’d run away from home except he’s not allowed to […]
Miss Crankypants loves her grands. Truly. Yet when one of them, of the two-year-old persuasion descends upon her house, it’s like the plague of locusts, the mall on Christmas Eve and Godzilla vs. Mothra all rolled into one. She can’t run that fast! Cranky Cat, Melchior the Very Large and Mama Mia! are as upset […]
Miss Crankypants recently read that a California Great Dane with a big stomachache was taken to the emergency vet. Most of the time, dogs in general are a big headache, but this poor Scooby-Doo-wannabe was pretty upset in the tum-tum, so the owners took out a second mortgage to get the dog treated. A revealing […]
Cranky Cat is sick to death of those who urge everybody to reduce their carbon footprints. Crybabies. In his measured opinion, a carbon footprint is about as likely to exist as a plaster cast of Bigfoot. It’s a totally made-up term meant to guilt-trip us into believing that climate change is for real. But […]
The Well-fed Cat You just can’t get away from it. No, Miss Crankypants is not speaking of dull stuff like fireworks on the 4th of July or midterm elections. She is referring to the relentless guilt trips being heaped upon cat lovers (and the occasional dumb dog lover) worldwide: You ARE your pet. At least […]
What?! This morning at o-dark-thirty, Miss Crankypants’ adorable trio of felines sat waiting patiently for breakfast. Well, Cranky Cat did take a swipe at Melchior the Very Large, but Mama Mia! growled a warning and they settled down. Miss CP wasn’t quite awake, but she tried not to breathe as she scooped out portions of […]
These claws are made for scratchin’ Don’t mind Miss Crankypants. She’s just recovering from her latest idiotic scheme: to keep dear old Cranky Cat from scratching up the carpet, she tried to fix that horrible feline good by taking away his sharp-as-a-tack claws. In the pet store she saw these adorable little claw covers. As […]
Cranky dishes the dirt. By now the entire planet has watched the amazing clip of a poor little boy riding his bike when the neighbor’s dog attacks and suddenly the family cat kicks some serious dog booty. Now this cat looks a lot like Melchior the Very Large, but we assure you, Melchior has not […]
The Crankypants family is so busy, nobody really has time for ordinary stuff like cleaning house. We jet around, arriving fashionably late to the red carpet, posing and preening for the paparazzi. Who’s got time for vacuums and toilet bowls? Well, Cranky Cat has a thing or three to say about that. Next to his […]