I was raised to honor truth. In fact, my adoptive father used to say, ” If you break my rules, you’ll be punished. If you lie, you get double.” Dad’s chilling words float back to me as my son talks about how someone in his life has done him wrong. He’s been betrayed. Son’s cheeks […]
Category Archives: Waiting for Morning
New Battery, New Life
Sometimes, we can recharge relationships with a simple boundary. My grown live-in son (aka Middle) called me on his friend’s cell. “My phone fell out of my pocket. It broke.” Mentally, I added again? and groaned inwardly. You mean the phone that we provide? The one that helps us stay connected? The phone I replaced […]
At Café Broken
Recently, I asked Youngest son if I could take him out to lunch. We’d talk about his options and future without any interjected comments from other family members. Just the two of us. My treat. He said, “Not only no, hell no.” I was shocked and frustrated that my invitation was met with defensiveness. Mom […]
Saving Kindness
Sometimes you have to dig deep to find kindness. Sometimes the trauma, the crises and nonstop drama combine, and suddenly you don’t feel anything. Yes, you know your child with addiction is suffering and hates his life. She knows full well how much she hurts you. The lies and name calling, the threats and manipulations, […]
Gifts
The day after Christmas, Middle Son raised his arms. “I did it!” I smiled so hard I thought my face might break. He’d done it, indeed—stayed sober for Christmas. All three of my grown sons with SUD had given me the best gift—if not total sobriety, then at least no ugly drama. Gratitude flooded over […]
Breathe in the Love
That November morning, my thirtysomething live-in son leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed, a distant look in his intense blue eyes. For the thousandth time, I was pleading with him. “I only want you to be healthy and happy. What’s going to happen to you when Dad and I are gone?” He shrugged and […]
Fear’s Remedy
My grown son is in the kitchen fixing himself a meal. Then a bomb goes off somewhere in his mind. He accuses me of hovering over him. I’d only wanted to grab a headache remedy, but the scene escalates. No explanation seems to matter as he calls me names. My husband comes to my aid—he’s […]
Come Together: When Family Members Are Not On Board
It’s late, of course, almost midnight. Our two live-in adult sons are arguing, way past the point of name calling and then slouching off to bed. They keep getting louder, lizard-braining their way to a fistfight. Youngest, whose drug of choice is alcohol, accuses Middle (drug of choice meth) of thievery and poor taste in […]
A Chrysalis
I’m driving home when I spot him. On a busy street corner, a man stands astride his bike. He looks a lot like my grown son. The uncanny resemblance cuts a path across my broken heart, carving fresh tracks where I’d tried to forget. I’m hurting and there’s no end in sight. My son’s meth-use […]
All Alone Together
The wall clock in my kitchen ticks way too loud. Maybe it knows I’m about to live the nightmare once again. One of my live-in grown sons (drug of choice meth), hasn’t slept in days. He’s growing testier by the minute, a volcano of unhappiness, ready to spew hot fury without warning. The other boomerang […]
