JINX

JINX

“How can I support you?” I ask my forty-one-year-old son. He’s experiencing excruciating day twelve of meth withdrawal. He’s just said the words I’ve long to hear: He’s determined to do life differently. He gently rocks side-to-side, the way he does when he’s coming off a binge. “I guess just be here for me.” Gray […]

Cleaning Out the Fridge

Cleaning Out the Fridge

As a teen, I often babysat for a family that had the strangest smelling refrigerator. After I put the kid to bed, I did what most teens do: I raided the kitchen. Their fridge was clean enough, but they kept foods that a white Protestant girl like me had never seen. I thought their fridge […]

New Battery, New Life

Sometimes, we can recharge relationships with a simple boundary. My grown live-in son (aka Middle) called me on his friend’s cell. “My phone fell out of my pocket. It broke.” Mentally, I added again? and groaned inwardly.  You mean the phone that we provide? The one that helps us stay connected?  The phone I replaced […]

At Café Broken

At Café Broken

Recently, I asked Youngest son if I could take him out to lunch. We’d talk about his options and future without any interjected comments from other family members. Just the two of us. My treat. He said, “Not only no, hell no.” I was shocked and frustrated that my invitation was met with defensiveness. Mom […]

Saving Kindness

Sometimes you have to dig deep to find kindness. Sometimes the trauma, the crises and nonstop drama combine, and suddenly you don’t feel anything. Yes, you know your child with addiction is suffering and hates his life. She knows full well how much she hurts you. The lies and name calling, the threats and manipulations, […]

Gifts

Gifts

The day after Christmas, Middle Son raised his arms. “I did it!” I smiled so hard I thought my face might break. He’d done it, indeed—stayed sober for Christmas. All three of my grown sons with SUD had given me the best gift—if not total sobriety, then at least no ugly drama. Gratitude flooded over […]

Breathe in the Love

Breathe in the Love

That November morning, my thirtysomething live-in son leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed, a distant look in his intense blue eyes. For the thousandth time, I was pleading with him. “I only want you to be healthy and happy. What’s going to happen to you when Dad and I are gone?” He shrugged and […]

Fear’s Remedy

My grown son is in the kitchen fixing himself a meal. Then a bomb goes off somewhere in his mind. He accuses me of hovering over him. I’d only wanted to grab a headache remedy, but the scene escalates. No explanation seems to matter as he calls me names. My husband comes to my aid—he’s […]