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My grown son and I were driving home from his appointment with a counselor. Youngest (of three sons) had expressed his frustration at feeling “stuck”—that is, in the five plus years since he’d moved back home, he hadn’t really changed his drinking habits or his motivation to get a life. I reassured him every day […]
Over the past year, my son’s use of meth has dropped off considerably. I blame it all on my learning how to love him well, as my friend Pam Lanhart says. Instead of binges lasting weeks or until he finally sleeps, now he still uses but it’s more of a scattershot use. He says it’s […]
On the day the world rang out with alleluias, I was hollow and empty, as if I couldn’t get all the way out of the tomb. Easter was cold and rainy, in more ways than one. Youngest son didn’t appear until after four PM. My daughter was sick. Middle was MIA altogether. Eldest showed up […]
The winter sun peeked out from behind clouds and a bitter wind reminded me that spring wasn’t here yet in Oregon. That day, though, I was feeling good. My middle son was in between what I call meth binges—a few days when his “real” personality returns, and he stops being paranoid, aggravated and mean-spirited. Instead, […]
An old Honda with a bumping bass pulls up to my curb. My heart sinks—I’ve been hoping my grown live-in son stays away from a certain element. It’s only been ten “clean” days, but I hope he makes it through another day. The one who sells what my son’s too often needed sits outside waiting, […]
I’m standing outside on a fall morning, watching giant maple leaves twirl and float to the ground. Each leaf, a private little death, pulls me to that empty, lonely place again. My grown middle son is on another meth binge. These binges always feel like a tide rushing out. The sand sucks at my toes, […]
On a bright summer morning, I sip my coffee, and I’m glad to be alive. The day before, I enjoyed my son with the thrill of seeing him sober. He showed me an animated short film we both loved, we talked about our veggie garden. And he laughed, a real honest-to-goodness chortle that sounded like […]
“How can I support you?” I ask my forty-one-year-old son. He’s experiencing excruciating day twelve of meth withdrawal. He’s just said the words I’ve long to hear: He’s determined to do life differently. He gently rocks side-to-side, the way he does when he’s coming off a binge. “I guess just be here for me.” Gray […]
As a teen, I often babysat for a family that had the strangest smelling refrigerator. After I put the kid to bed, I did what most teens do: I raided the kitchen. Their fridge was clean enough, but they kept foods that a white Protestant girl like me had never seen. I thought their fridge […]
I was raised to honor truth. In fact, my adoptive father used to say, ” If you break my rules, you’ll be punished. If you lie, you get double.” Dad’s chilling words float back to me as my son talks about how someone in his life has done him wrong. He’s been betrayed. Son’s cheeks […]