|Cranky dishes the dirt.|
By now the entire planet has watched the amazing clip of a poor little boy riding his bike when the neighbor’s dog attacks and suddenly the family cat kicks some serious dog booty. Now this cat looks a lot like Melchior the Very Large, but we assure you, Melchior has not moved as fast as the video cat in his entire life.
After Diane Sawyer on the ABC News gushes over Superhero Cat, Cranky Cat immediately starts mouthing off. “So while vicious dog attacks their little angel, where are this kid’s parents? Duh! They’re making sure to get the whole incident on tape!”
“No no no!” Miss Crankypants is seriously thinking of getting Cranky a muzzle. She sets the foul mood feline straight. “A security camera recorded it. The mom and dad only sent in the tape–after they made sure their son was OK.”
Cranky Cat’s arms are folded like that rapper they call Pit Bull. “Yeah, right. Wonder how much moolah they paid the innocent parents to air footage of their son getting mauled?”
“You’re such a cynic!”
“Pfft. Cynic’s my middle name. And for your information, they hired that cat to look like he was saving the kid.” Cranky Cat files his claws.
“And just how do you know this?”
Cranky points the file at Melchior. “Mel’s twin bro got the part after they found out Grumpy Cat has gone on to his great tuna reward.”