Miss Crankypants is so excited! Today at a nearby store, the WEINERMOBILE will be handing out weiner whistles and inducing all manner of oldsters to break into song.
If you don’t know what the Weinermobile is, you’re way too young and hip. Why don’t you whippersnappers just go on down to the DUMB Starbucks and get a DUMB Latte or two?
Anyway, for decades the Weinermobile has lived on only in Miss CP’s imagination. She had her first encounter with this super star of the Early Boomer Era at age twelve. That’s a very long time to have their stupid jingle stuck in your head. “Oh I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weiner, that is what I’d truly love to be . . .”
GAA! There it goes again!
But back to the Weinermobile. The marketing genius who invented this thing did not win the Nobel Prize, but it sure sold a lot of hot dogs. Who wouldn’t notice a giant weiner on wheels? During Miss Cranky’s youth, the Weinermobile was where it was at until The Beatles appeared on Ed Sullivan. Everybody wanted a wiener whistle! You stood in line for hours to get one, then annoyed your mom and dad for days tooting on the silly thing.
Back in those days, we were easily amused.
Today, we have so much more to deal with every single day. Pity the poor commuter who gets stuck in traffic behind the Weinermobile. You call in to say you’ll be a tad late and then you’re left explaining to your twenty-something boss just what a Weinermobile is. Awkward!
Why, you can’t even say “weiner” in polite company anymore. And if you do, all anyone thinks about is that awful Congressman who took a selfie wearing only his underpants and the very next year announced his candidacy for the mayor of New York!
Miss Crankypants isn’t exactly sure what she’ll do when the Weinermobile pulls into the parking lot. After all, she’s already quite crazy from that STUPID jingle looping in her head. Well, that and the cats. But she lost her weiner whistle a long time ago. So if you see an old lady wearing pink Chucks standing in line, singing, go ahead and join in. It may be the only time you ever truly want to be an Oscar Mayer weiner–besides, “Everyone would be in love with meeee.”
Ready for a Stupid Latte yet?