It’s a well-known fact that Miss Crankypants doesn’t like much of anything. Griping is her raison d’etre, if you get the drift. So today is the Grab Bag o’ Gripes! All the gripes that aren’t big enough for their own posts but who will not be ignored. See if you are secretly hating the same stuff that gets Miss CP’s knickers in a knot:
- Boomerang Children. First on the list is the subject of Boomerang Kids–you know, those adults who are the gifts who keep on giving. Headaches that is. They move back home and then help themselves–mostly to your refrigerator’s contents. At this very moment Miss Cranky is the equivalent of a Chinese laundry. Her eldest son sent over his dirty clothes with a note pinned to the cleanest dirty shirt: Wash Me. Everywhere she turns, she’s reminded of why she never wanted kids in the first place. Thirty years into parenthood, she’s still picking up socks and cereal bowls festooned with crusty dried-on Fruity Pebbles. When these adult children are home they’re REALLY home: like your Visa card, they’re everywhere you want to be.
- Leafblowing Fools. All over Miss CP’s neighborhood, the leaves are waist-high and the trees are just getting started. But in these parts, rakes are so passe. Around here the landscaping crews try to ruin your hearing with the infernal blowers that, during World War II, could probably have tortured the Germans into surrender. The guys doing the blowing wear ear protection, but what about us innocent neighbors? If ever there was a justifiable reason to put sugar in a gas tank, the leaf blower certainly qualifies. And if it were as easy as suggesting the offenders go “get a rake,” we the Silent Majority, would’ve stuffed dirty socks down their gullets long ago. Put THAT in your leaf blower and smoke it!
- Drivers Who Leave On their Turn Signals. We’ve all been behind one of these people. Forced to tail a car whose blinker has blinked for the past forty-seven miles, we clench our teeth and grip the steering wheel, ready to stomp on the brakes should Fool One decide to make good on his promise. Doesn’t matter if it’s the left or right signal: it’s on just in case he needs it in the foreseeable future. Oh, and did we mention he’s going all of twenty-two miles an hour?
- Change Counters in the “Ten Items or Less” Line. Makes you want to KILL, right? Poor woman’s been saving her loose change for approximately forever. She just knows she’s got the right amount in that coin purse. Somewhere, in the depths of the pocketbook, she’ll manage to count out exact change. While you wait, of course. Who cares if stars go nova or species go extinct? This customer has pennies to count.
- Grumpy Cat Impersonators. Paladine (aka Cranky Cat) insisted this one be on the list. It’s bad enough, he whines, that GC gets all the good stuff: National TV coverage, a book deal, Internet viral sensation. No self-respecting TRULY grumpy kitteh would allow herself to be photographed with adoring fans for hours on end. No! A genuine grump would bite the first kid who tried to pet him! That’s what Cranky Cat does on a routine basis. In fact, he claims he really really needs to bite something and soon. Maybe one of Miss Crankypants’ Boomerang Kids will volunteer.
The One True Cranky Cat