Paladine has a flying dream

She’s back! Your favorite Gripe-ess has survived the rigors of travel and can now say she is a globetrotter of the 13th degree. Oh, the places she went! And the places she HAD to go but couldn’t, as there wasn’t a bathroom within 100 yards of the departure gate.
The flight attendant thought Miss CP was nefarious. As she boarded the plane, Miss CP’s answer to “How are you today?” was, “Where’s the ladies room?” She really couldn’t wait, and was forced to ignore the uniformed attendant’s warning that “This is the FIRST CLASS bathroom, ma’am.”
This is why Miss Cranky ALWAYS sits on the aisle–so she can sprint for the loo about 47 times. And that’s just during takeoff!
Other highlights of hurtling through clouds inside an overcrowded sardine can: 

• You never realize how long your legs are until you try to extend them without hitting the tray table.
• When babies cry, the Third Law of Infant Dynamics says they must be located within two feet of your ear.
• If your feet begin to feel quite warm, it’s possible that the baby also had a little accident, which spurred the cat in the carrier to have to go too–all over your favorite shoes.
• Should you be stupid enough to try to fly with two cats, both of them are guaranteed to escape their carriers, run out onto the runway and close down said runway for two hours while you crawl on your hands and knees, saying, “Here Kitty, Kitty.”
• Even if you locate and recapture the cats, virtually EVERY passenger on your flight will hate your guts for stalling the flight for two hours.
• Why people insist on flying with cats is a complete mystery. Every cat on Earth hates flight as much as they hate baths–especially now that they’ve even taken away the tiny package of snack pretzels.
• Even if you arrive in one piece at your destination, the baggage claim has already sent your luggage to Timbuktu. Good thing you remembered to bring your toothbrush and a fresh pair of shoes.