Cats on a Plane!

Paladine has a flying dream

She’s back! Your favorite Gripe-ess has survived the rigors of travel and can now say she is a globetrotter of the 13th degree. Oh, the places she went! And the places she HAD to go but couldn’t, as there wasn’t a bathroom within 100 yards of the departure gate.
The flight attendant thought Miss CP was nefarious. As she boarded the plane, Miss CP’s answer to “How are you today?” was, “Where’s the ladies room?” She really couldn’t wait, and was forced to ignore the uniformed attendant’s warning that “This is the FIRST CLASS bathroom, ma’am.”
This is why Miss Cranky ALWAYS sits on the aisle–so she can sprint for the loo about 47 times. And that’s just during takeoff!
Other highlights of hurtling through clouds inside an overcrowded sardine can: 

  • You never realize how long your legs are until you try to extend them without hitting the tray table.
  • When babies cry, the Third Law of Infant Dynamics says they must be located within two feet of your ear.
  • If your feet begin to feel quite warm, it’s possible that the baby also had a little accident, which spurred the cat in the carrier to have to go too–all over your favorite shoes.
  • Should you be stupid enough to try to fly with two cats, both of them are guaranteed to escape their carriers, run out onto the runway and close down said runway for two hours while you crawl on your hands and knees, saying, “Here Kitty, Kitty.”
  • Even if you locate and recapture the cats, virtually EVERY passenger on your flight will hate your guts for stalling the flight for two hours.
  • Why people insist on flying with cats is a complete mystery. Every cat on Earth hates flight as much as they hate baths–especially now that they’ve even taken away the tiny package of snack pretzels.
  • Even if you arrive in one piece at your destination, the baggage claim has already sent your luggage to Timbuktu. Good thing you remembered to bring your toothbrush and a fresh pair of shoes.
Miss Crankypants has nothing against airlines which tempt you with liquid refreshment and then put only two bathrooms on a plane filled with 150 people. But when the cats and the babies dribble on your Mary Janes, it’s time for change. 
Miss CP may be a world traveler but she’s ever so glad to be back home in her moss-covered Oregon cave, where the cats still rule but at least the bathroom is within walking distance. That’s about as far from home as Miss Cranky wants to be for awhile.

About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

4 comments on “Cats on a Plane!

  1. I was worried when I saw the title on a mutual friend’s Facebook, but I’m glad to see you don’t advocate putting animals in the cargo… I agree, in general, cats are not designed for the stress of flying! (and neither are babies or small children, but that’s another conversation). Flights are unavoidable, however, in certain circumstances, and you made me laugh. I’m not much of a flyer myself (I prefer to drive whenever possible), but on the few flights I’ve taken, I’ve learned to commiserate with your complaints! lol

    One last comment… cats really don’t belong on planes, as anyone who is a Friend of Jack knows.

    • Hope you don’t mind that I used your story Kay. If you want, I will give you full credit for getting an entire plane load of folks hopping mad. 😉 My niece Natalie had to get some new shoes after HER cat on a plane. Which is way better than snakes on a plane.

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