|Let sleeping cats lie.|
Miss Crankypants is as clean as the next griper. But she thinks the campaign for cleanliness is out of control. There are germophobes everywhere you go! Not content to linger in the ladies room–to see if you really wash your hands–these busybodies also troll the halls of your home and even show up at airports. Can you imagine the low self-esteem of a TSA worker who gets the germophobe?
“Excuse me while I change my socks,” she says to the harried airport security worker. This germ fighter hands out anti-bacterial wipes instead of business cards. She’ll hold up the line for an hour arguing that her gallon jug of sanitizer ought to be allowed on board the plane. Her latex-free gloves wouldn’t touch you if you needed CPR!
Miss CP even has these germophobes in her own family. A certain member constantly worries the carpet will rise up and spread the plague to her darling infant. Another adult kid rolls his eyes and asks you if you’re REALLY going to eat that cup of yogurt which has been out of the fridge for ten minutes. And don’t get Miss CP started on the bathroom sanitation issues. She’s had to install those annoying seat protector dispensers in her own home!
And what about all these special anti-bacterial soaps? Miss Cranky always thought soap WAS anti-germ. Soap kills off germs. Isn’t that what good soap does?Why do we need the extra kick of an anti-bacterial? Are the soap marketers just messing with us?
None of this stuff ever happened when Miz Crank’s kids were growing up. These kids never got sick and it was all because they frequently sat outside and ATE DIRT! By the time the 3rd, 4th or more child arrives, you’re no longer concerned with sterilizing. You proudly point to the kid’s pacifier, which has fallen on the floor twenty times before breakfast, and say the baby is building up immunity.
That sound you hear is every Anti-germ person in the country saying, “EEWW!”
Miss Crankypants would like to remind you that all of her children lived, so she must have done something right. But if there’s germophobe reader out there who’s running for the barf bag, rest assured that she’d NEVER EVER wear dirty socks to the airport. This alone should keep you from washing your hands for the millionth time today.