Don’t Starve Me, I’m Reading!

Broccoli is NOT a snack!

Miss Crankypants has a teensy confession: When she reads just about any book, she really really likes to nosh. Preferably on some high-fat, high-salt, high-chances-of-dying-young snack. Barbecue chips are perfect, although they do tend to leave evidence. When Mr. Crankypants wants to locate her in the far recesses of the house, all he has to do is follow the potato chip crumbs–or ants, whichever come first.
What is it about a good book that brings out the primal need to eat?
C’mon, admit it. You can’t read either without at least a nip of good dark chocolate hiding in the nightstand drawer. When the story’s suspense goes sky-high, you automatically need to chew on something other than your nails. To heck with that plan to be ten pounds thinner by the 4th of July–you’ve got a stack of novels begging to be read. Before these novels take on a life of their own, you have GOT to get reading. Miss Cranky feels your pain.
For the briefest of moments, Miss CP tried to substitute HEALTHY food to accompany her reading binges. Grapes, the perfect finger food? Or how about carrot and celery sticks, hold the Ranch? Cruciferous veggie plate, anyone? Just like YOU, Miss Cranky immediately said, “Blech!” Turns out raw cruciferous veggies (crudites, aka cauliflower and broccoli) are just plain CRUD without a healthy smothering in some sort of high-fat dip.
Meanwhile, she is growing ever more desperate to find out who-dun-it. But without a suitable snack, it’s just not the same.
And what is SUITABLE, you ask?
Miss Crankypants cannot be the only bibliophile on the planet who can’t get to chapter two without greasy potato chips! Now and then she’ll swap the BBQ for the French Onion, or if she’s really feeling daring, some of those baked-not-fried, made from organic spuds varieties. But when you cut out the fat, you also cut out the FUN.
And what is reading a great book on a lazy summer day, if not FUN? You get your little reading nest all set-up: comfy padding, pitcher of pink lemonade within easy reach, several novels-you’ve-been-meaning-to-read in a messy stack. You turn up the air and turn off the phone, snuggle down and crack the spine. (or power up the reader, if that’s your thing).
Where is your sustenance? How will you get to the end of the story without BBQ Lay’s, your hand searching the bag for THE FOLDED ONES, which are the best? Miss Cranky doesn’t know about you, but she’s got to run to the market right now. A stack of books that makes the Empire State building look puny is waiting for her. It’s gonna take a boatload of chips.

About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

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