To Catch a Night Crawler

Real or candy?

These days, Miss Crankypants has a lot on her plate. It’s really more of a platter, with a smorgasbord of stinky cheese and salmon roe. So when she opened her refrigerator this morning and discovered a live earthworm crawling next to the milk, she did what anyone would do: screamed bloody murder!
She knows you’re just dying to know why there are earthworms in her fridge.
The real culprits are a certain husband and son, who stash their fishing bait in the cool dark confines of the crisper shelf. Miss CP regularly has to move containers of salmon eggs, sand shrimp and night crawlers in order to get to the mayo. This does not please Miss Crankypants. And the earthworm incident was the last straw.
As she stood there with the fridge door and her mouth agape, the pinkish worm (about the size and length of an unsharpened no. 2 pencil) strolled leisurely past the milk jug. Miss Cranky restarted her heart and set out to capture the escapee and re-incarcerate him in the worm bedding (aka dirt) filled container.
Now, for fishing, you really need these guys plump and juicy. This night crawler was obese! But surprisingly quick on his belly. The moment he sensed Miss CP was after him, he scooted right under a cantaloupe.
“I’ll get you, you slimeball!” Miss Crankypants yelled. The worm lay low and didn’t respond.
As she plotted to nab Mr. Earthworm, Miss CP should have thought about what a giant night crawler would feel like in one’s flinty grasp. Slimy? Squishy? Horrid? God forbid she has to find out!
She did however stop and thank God that, as far as she knows, there are no electric night crawlers. Yet no matter what she did, the worm refused to come out. Miss CP started to worry he was tunneling into the melon or helping himself to the last piece of cake. Or maybe he’d be like the little turtle her kids once kept as a pet: wander underneath the fridge, where no one would find him until he stank to high heaven.
Miss Crankypants is open to any and all ideas on how to rid her fridge of creepies and crawlies. Don’t say get rid of the hubby and son, although it’s sounding more tempting by the minute. Maybe Miz Crank will set out a trail of dirt and see if Mr. Worm takes the bait.

About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

6 comments on “To Catch a Night Crawler

  1. Love it, though your story of the turtle reminded me of a hamster I had as a child, doing the same thing. With the same result…
    which is why I stick to horses and other large animals. They can’t get caught under the fridge.
    Write on, Miss CP!

  2. Having lately returned from a fishing/boating/water skiing trip with kids and grandkids, I am well acquainted with the sliminess of earthworms. I actually witnessed my formerly squeamish daughter (who as a child would never even touch a snail) break a particularly long earthworm into pieces to be divided on several ready hooks for the grandchildren. EWWWW! This phenomenal transformation causes me to offer you the following advice: Befriend the creature. Give it a name. Make it a pet. Then when it has been lulled into a false sense of security, pounce on it and throw it outside into the earth where all such creatures belong.

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