Putting the Crows into Crow’s Feet

Outside Miss Crankypants’ window, a new generation of crows is keeping her annoyed every minute of the day. If you think “Caw! Caw!” is obnoxious, baby crows’ noises sound worse. Miss CP can’t decide if these darling fledges sound more like a drowning hippopotamus or Mr. Crankypants gargling.
She also bets that Mrs. Crow gets tired of crow-baby whining. “Carrion for dinner? Again?” Mama Crow ought to warn, “If you keep making those faces, your beak will freeze that way!”
These crows could take a lesson from Miss Cranky. She’s an expert on the disintegration of the once-lovely face.
So far, she’s avoided developing crow’s feet, but at what expense? Why, the rest of her countenance, of course. The damage gets worse by the hour: besides the ballooning midriff, turkey wattle and the waggly arms, she now sports “feathers” around her once full lips. Her eyebrows have migrated down so far she can barely see, and the dark under eye circles make her look like Dracula in the morning. Her face is a freaking landslide! Which, sad to say, makes her look more and more like the family dog.
The worst part? Miss Crankypants is sad to report that your ears, nose and feet NEVER STOP GROWING!
Apparently, God gave these appendages instructions to wait for middle-age and then seek revenge for every piercing and pointy-toed shoe they endured during the folly of our youths. Just for spite, Miss CP’s ears are hanging low, her nose is sprouting hair and her feet refuse to wear anything except Dr. Scholl’s. Egads, where will it end?
Miss Cranky strolls outside to tell those loud birds to knock off the “Caw! Caw!”
Mama Crow and all her evil babies just laugh. Apparently, they aren’t afraid of the family dog.

About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

2 comments on “Putting the Crows into Crow’s Feet

  1. Oh poor poor Miz CP! I do SO feel your pain, being of a certain age myself. Except for one area. I was “blessed” with an unusually small nose. This has never been a good thing. I’ve endured a good deal of teasing over it, I can tell you. However, your post gives me great hope. If my nose keeps growing, at some point I will have a normal sized nose.

    Maybe when I am 100.

    Write on.

    • Oh sure, go ahead and brag about your small nose! When we’re 100, Miss CP will come over and measure your nose and we’ll compare. 🙂 Write on, indeed. Miss CP aka Linda

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