Elastic Saves Lives–and Face!

Ever wonder who invented elastic? Miss Crankypants once had an unfortunate experience when her pants elastic broke during a speech she was giving. She acted as if nothing was wrong, and to this day no one has ever mentioned this unmentionable.
According to history, some guy named Thomas is credited with coming up with the elastic idea in 1820, but elastic SHOULD have been invented by a woman.
She thought you’d never ask!
If it weren’t for the stretchy stuff, we gals of a certain age would be stuck with pants that zip, button or snap. Even worse, underpants would do a lot more falling down–potential disasters for all us golden girls. In fact, if you’re as cheap as Miss CP you wear your undies until the safety pin breaks or we enter a new decade, whichever comes first. You just know that once the snap disappears from the waistband of your fruit of the looms, it’s only a matter of time before the tie that binds suddenly lets go–probably while you’re speaking in front of a captive audience.
That’s why Miss Crankypants believes elastic is a woman’s birthright. Let the guys have their velcro–we of  the grannie panties need lingerie security. Think about it. If you’re honest, you’ll admit that a single bit of elastic has probably saved your bacon plenty of times.
If it weren’t for this modern marvel, baby diapers would leak. Considerably.
Swim caps would look even more hideous than they already do.
The “like” would definitely be missing from Lycra.
Tights would need to be called Saggys.
Shape wear would be impossible, and if it existed, would definitely ride up.
You couldn’t use leftover elastic for a slingshot to annoy your little brother.
OK that last one came straight out of Miss CP’s parenting files, but you get the idea.

Miss Cranky invites everyone who’s ever been aided by the power of elastic to help celebrate National Elastic Day. There’s no such thing, but if we ever get one, don’t miss it. Thank elastic for every nip, tuck and spanks your clothing has ever afforded you. And if that safety pin gives out and your pants hit the floor, just act and natural and keep on talking. Your audience probably won’t notice a thing.

About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

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