Miss Crankypants just entered a contest about cats. Not that she’s obsessed or anything. All she had to do was upload a pic of her cat with the hashtag #literarycat. To see the contest rules, go here. Which has her thinking–in the writing world, every writer deserves to have at least one crazy feline.
Miss CP can hear you sighing. “But I’m a dog person!” If you insist. Every writer should own at least one feline, canine, bovine or porcine companion who can pee on, chew up or swallow whole your entire day’s word count.
But back to cats. Those who are familiar with Miss Crankypants’ home turf know that you can’t sit anywhere in the joint without upsetting a napping kitty. Her shelves are crowded with books about cats. She’s got cat statues, cat paintings and even a cat toilet seat. At one point she had five furry demanders of salmon-flavored treats. She took great pride in making up silly names like Xena, the Warrior Kitty, Mamma Mia! (After the Abba movie), Melchior, Paladine and the cutest orange tabby ever, Oliver. Alas, lately the cat population has dwindled to three.
Still, Miss Crankypants has favorite cat fans everywhere she goes (Special shout-out to Twinkle, Owen, Gus, Peaches and Grendl, may he rest in peace.) These cats work hard to ensure none of their writers get any writing done. Ever. Techniques range from biting the keys off a laptop (true story, thank you Xena), lounging on the nice warm laptop (You mean it isn’t for me?), heaving a hairball on the mouse (revenge) and leaving real mouse innards next to the only surviving hard copy of your manuscript that survived the fire after the cat knocked over the space heater.
Yes, cats are like guardians of the writing world. They exist to make darn certain no word count is created that can’t be upchucked upon. If you have a wonderful cat photo (sorry dog lovers, you’re outta luck), enter the contest and attach the hashtag #literarycats. You could win a copy of a new book by cats for cats: I Could Pee on This. Miss Crankypants’ kittehs are very suggestible, so she’s going to cover her keyboard in waterproof plastic and hope for an epic FAIL.