Oh the Places You’ll Go!

Miss Crankypants is off on an excursion to that sunniest of desert places, her home state of Arizona. But today she’s not in the Valley of the Sisters of the Facelift. Nope. Instead, she’s gamely driven for hours, praying the whole darn time she will magically locate Chino Valley, otherwise known as That Dirt Spot in the Road.

This is the less traveled Dirt Spot in the Road, too. It’s the last place you want your car to break down, get a flat tire or be attacked by killer bees. Chino Valley is the sort of place where the tumbling tumbleweeds are bigger than SUVs and cougars will snatch your dog right out of your backyard. At night, it’s so dark you don’t see that dry gulch until you’ve fallen headlong into the sucker. And getting here, Miss Crankypants only got lost a few times!

Have you ever tried to make a U-turn on a road that’s so narrow even the snakes look obese in comparison? 
Not to mention the sheer drop-offs on either side. It was perhaps only the first or second time God has ever fielded a prayer about a car’s turning circle!

So MISS CP whips out the handy cell phone to ask her dear old dad just where on God’s green Earth his house could be. But wait! Miss Cranky owns possibly the stupidest smartphone on the planet! This cheap Chinese Mickey Mouse piece of junk has conveniently turned itself off while Miss CP’s front wheel dangles off the edge of the abyss.

Lovely.

When Dad finally picks up Miss Crankypants is screaming. “What’s the matter?” He asks, his inflection obviously dripping with why-can’t-you-follow-simple-directions sarcasm.

“Was I supposed to turn back at the light?” Miss CP eyes the crumbling shoulder of the Dirt Spot in the Road.

“Where are you?”
“If I knew that I wouldn’t be calling you!” The car rocks ominously with her every yell.

“Well yes you should’ve followed the signs to Ash Fork.” Later she’ll learn Ash Fork, AZ is the FLAGSTONE Capital of the World!

“There were no signs to Ash Fork.”

“Well go back and you’ll see them, plain as day!”

Miss CP pops it into reverse, tires spitting gravel, and it only takes four tries and one cow crossing the road to get pointed back in the correct direction. When she arrives back at the light, she’s smug: AHA! NOT ONE SIGN TO ASH FORK! She turns right anyway and one hour and twenty-three minutes later, she finally arrives in the tiny community of Chino Valley, AZ. Her cell gets no service but she’s OK with that. Miss Crankypants plans to spend the day trying to calm her nerves and maybe go out and stare at the famous Dirt Spot in the Road. Or maybe she’ll get back in the saddle and see if she can find Ash Fork. Never know when you’ll need flagstone.

About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

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