Stick Corn in Your Ear, Crooks

Bodhi loves corn!

Miss Cranky is stunned. Upset. Outraged. A few days ago, the bank called to suggest fraudulent charges were showing up on the Crankypants account. Miss CP could hardly believe it. Why on earth would any self-respecting crook want to deplete her balance which was the royal sum of $66.00?
But there it was: Someone had used her Visa debit card to purchase $13.91 of KFC
In NEW JERSEY.  Kentucky Fried Chicken?
Why, Miss Cranky’s never traveled east of the Mississippi! And she hasn’t patronized a Kentucky Fried Chicken joint since a certain incident that took Extra Crispy off the menu.
So who could be licking their fingers on Miss Crankypants dime? Unfortunately, the bank said, this type of thing happens every day. The card was cancelled, and Miss Cranky wants to get out the word–You’re next.
The bank also claimed there is nothing you can do to prevent sides of mashed potatoes and biscuits from hopping onto your monthly statement. Twenty-four-seven, these crooks are running some evil computer program, looking for the next active debit card, salivating at the prospect of  a bucket of Original Recipe warming their crooked little bellies.
Now you may be wondering why Miss CP no longer drives through at the Colonel’s restaurants. Well, even before they let criminals order the 10 piece bucket with HER debit card, she was bitter.
One evening, as she racked up a bill in a local KFC, she gleefully ordered a bucket and plenty of sides, including corn on the cob. All the way home,secret spices wafted through the car. She drooled at the thought of sinking her teeth into a crisp golden ear of yummy sweet corn.
Alas and alack. At home, the whole Cranky clan dug into the BUCKET, fighting over crispy and original recipe as if their lives depended on it. Then, someone shouted, “Corn! They didn’t give us our corn!” 

Nobody was very hungry after that, except maybe for Melchior the Very Large, who mewed, “Are you going to finish that?”
Thus began a total KFC boycott, one that lasted until this week, when those creeps in New Jersey used our card to buy KFC. No doubt they got THEIR corn. Thirteen dollars and ninety-one cents worth. What is this world coming to?
Miss CP advises everyone to check the bank account daily. You never know when idiots in New Jersey are going to get a hankering for KFC.

About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

6 comments on “Stick Corn in Your Ear, Crooks

  1. Dear Miss CP, My niece sent me a link to this post, and I love it. I have a blog of my own in which I sometimes attempt humor. Would you mind if I linked to this for one of my posts?

    • Write-minded,
      Nobody in her write mind would let crooks help themselves to KFC! Your solution is a good one–although some days, cashiers look at cash and say, “What’s this?” Write On, Miss CP aka Linda

  2. I understand your angst – on both issues. I haven’t felt the same about KFC since I moved away from Michigan (3 decades ago – do I know how to hold a grudge or what??) and realized they didn’t sell Faygo Redpop at their stores in other states. Who can eat greasy KFC without cutting it with the sweetness of Faygo Redpop??? With regard to unauthorized charges, thank you to the luggage store in South Carolina that called me to ask if I was indeed ordering luggage from them. They thought it odd that I didn’t get my own zip code right and took the time to look me up on the internet (I’m in Oklahoma) to ask instead of just putting the charge through. We immediately called the credit card company and stopped the vacationing thief in his travelling tracks – but not before he spent $800 on vacation-wear. Good message to get out, Ms. CP. I appreciate Dee Dee Chumley for introducing us – if she hadn’t I would have never seen that GREAT tagline!!!

  3. Dear Shel,
    Miss Crank is SO glad to know she’s not the only one being robbed! Wait, that didn’t come out right. Thank you SO much for sympathizing with Miss CP’s misfortune. Come back soon! Miss CP aka Linda

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