Germophobes Are Everywhere!

Let sleeping cats lie.

Miss Crankypants is as clean as the next griper. But she thinks the campaign for cleanliness is out of control. There are germophobes everywhere you go! Not content to linger in the ladies room–to see if you really wash your hands–these busybodies also troll the halls of your home and even show up at airports. Can you imagine the low self-esteem of a TSA worker who gets the germophobe?
“Excuse me while I change my socks,” she says to the harried airport security worker. This germ fighter hands out anti-bacterial wipes instead of business cards. She’ll hold up the line for an hour arguing that her gallon jug of sanitizer ought to be allowed on board the plane. Her latex-free gloves wouldn’t touch you if you needed CPR!
Miss CP even has these germophobes in her own family. A certain member constantly worries the carpet will rise up and spread the plague to her darling infant. Another adult kid rolls his eyes and asks you if you’re REALLY going to eat that cup of yogurt which has been out of the fridge for ten minutes. And don’t get Miss CP started on the bathroom sanitation issues. She’s had to install those annoying seat protector dispensers in her own home!
And what about all these special anti-bacterial soaps? Miss Cranky always thought soap WAS anti-germ. Soap kills off germs. Isn’t that what good soap does?Why do we need the extra kick of an anti-bacterial? Are the soap marketers just messing with us?
None of this stuff ever happened when Miz Crank’s kids were growing up. These kids never got sick and it was all because they frequently sat outside and ATE DIRT! By the time the 3rd, 4th or more child arrives, you’re no longer concerned with sterilizing. You proudly point to the kid’s pacifier, which has fallen on the floor twenty times before breakfast, and say the baby is building up immunity.
That sound you hear is every Anti-germ person in the country saying, “EEWW!”
Miss Crankypants would like to remind you that all of her children lived, so she must have done something right. But if there’s germophobe reader out there who’s running for the barf bag, rest assured that she’d NEVER EVER wear dirty socks to the airport. This alone should keep you from washing your hands for the millionth time today.

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About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

6 comments on “Germophobes Are Everywhere!

  1. AMEN!!! My thoughts exactly. Thank you so much for pointing out what us oldsters have always known! I grew up on a farm and I survived. My kids grew up in the country and they played in the dirt with all their little friends regardless of who was infested with what germs and all of them thrived. I also read a report that kids who grow up on farms have a much lower incidence of asthma.

    From time to time I watch House Hunters on HGTV, and I always snark at the germophobes who object to there being (gasp!) carpet in a house. “It’s so dirty and full of germs!” they cry. Oh, give me a break! You think there’s no dirt or germs on your fancy hardwood floors? And you or your kid might slip and fall on them and break a leg! Think about that, you germophobes!

  2. Thank you, thank you for standing up for carpet. Carpet is still made in the U.S – over 90 percent of the carpet in use today in the U.S. is manufactured right here – what other flooring choice can make that claim? None.
    May a sister Miss Crankypants suggest that one’s carpet is as clean as one decides it will be? That it is not enough to simply own a vacuum, one must actually use it, and the more frequently the better? In addition, hospital studies show that germs travel to human hands a lot easier and faster from hard surfaces (like tile floors and countertops) than from carpeted surfaces. You tell it, sister, and if you want some real scoop about carpet and health, there are some good articles on the Carpet and Rug Institute blog, http://www.criblog.org. Bethany Richmond

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