Now that little Bodhizepha is a toddler, Grandma, aka Miss Crankypants is trying hard to live a balanced life: writing, teaching and, while reading the book from the top of the pile, doing a little secret overeating.
It’s not easy!
Miss Cranky is sorry to inform all you bookworms out there that plowing through a hot romance and a jumbo bag of Doritos while watching a toddler is a precarious mix at best.
A cheese-dust covered disaster at worst.
Why would anyone try to read while babysitting a one year-old? Well, who doesn’t love a bag of something salty and crunchy while demonstrating the “I couldn’t put it down” technique of fine reading? So what if the pages are covered in Dorito thumbprints? You got a problem with that?
As you can see, Miss CP takes books and eating seriously. So when the little guy was suddenly thrown into the mix, she got cranky. The baby stage affectionately known as “rips stuff up” went head-to-head with the “Best Book Ever.”
First, she had to keep Bodhi entertained so she could sneak in a page of reading. “Here,” she cooed, unpeeling a nice ripe yellow fruit. “G-Ma watch Bodhi eat bananas.” She handed her darling grandson a bite-sized piece.
His mouth closed faster than the gates of heaven slam shut on the devil. Bodhi shook his cute little head. “No.”
Of course his gamma didn’t see this gesture. She was too busy trying to read the end of Chapter One.
While G-Ma’s eyes read furiously, Bodhi reached past the monkey food and shoved his arm into the bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. A gleeful smile on his pudgy face, the kid stuffed a fistful of Ranch-flavored chips in the direction of his pie hole. A mess ensued.
As he chewed, Miss Crankypants stewed: Queen Baby Mama, Bodhi’s mother, would be furious. Bodhi is only allowed to eat all natural organic foods, lovingly pre-chewed or at least pre-approved by Her Majesty. Yikes! Mom was due back any minute!
Miss Crankypants had to think fast. She quickly bookmarked her place in Chapter One and sat on the novel. But when she took away the JUNK FOOD, baby Bodhi howled. So she compromised: she thrust the peeled banana into the Doritos, coating it with that yummy Ranch powder that was now stuck on everything. She handed the prize to dear Bodhi, who for the moment, seemed happy. Then, hearing the key in the lock, she quickly sat on the Doritos bag too.
And none too soon. Seconds later, Queen Baby Mama appeared. “”Did you have fun with Grammie?” she asked her munchkin, still working on his Cool Ranch Banana.
Miss Crankypants nodded for the both of them, hiding her white powdery hands behind her in case Mom got suspicious.
Miss CP grabbed her book and bag of crumbs and raced out the door. “Gotta go!” she yelled as she absconded with the evidence. Secretly, Miss Crankypants couldn’t wait to get home and curl up with a good book and a good snack. From now on when the call of the book and the need to nosh destroy her willpower, she’ll make herself a Cool Ranch Banana and call it good.