Miss Crankypants Has the Last (Spiritual) Word

Miss Crankypants continues to try to erect a shaky but effective writing platform. Seriously, all writers are required to become the town crier as they religiously bray about their work to anyone within earshot. So naturally, lately she’s been in hot water with a priest.
This priest (Miss CP doesn’t name her victims) gently chided Miss Cranky for posting a blurb about her latest exploits on the church’s Facebook page. Miss CP was only trying to spread her unique brand of sarcastic humor. Priest was not amused. So Miss Cranky gets the last word by printing the actual honest-to-gosh conversation:
Priest: Here at St. Whatever, we like to keep the announcements related to church activities. I’m sure you understand–please limit your posts to spiritual stuff.
Miss CP: You mean my rant about Christmas isn’t spiritual enough?
Priest: (rolls eyes) It’s not that we don’t welcome parishioners posting, but we, ah, sort of like them to be St. Whatever-related.
Miss CP: I’m related, aren’t I?
Priest: (heavy sigh) Just be sure to word your announcement in a way that shows it’s aimed at the congregation. Got it?
Miss CP: Oh, now I do. How about “Are you stressed out at St. Whatever? Read more Miss Crankypants!”
Priest: Why do you think the folks at St. W are stressed out?
Miss CP: Maybe because they get hassled by the Posting Police? Personally, my eye is twitching. And I know that whenever it twitches, I’m getting REALLY STRESSED OUT!
Priest: You don’t have to yell.
Miss CP: What about that member who posted that her teen son can burp the Ten Commandments? Is that really news?
Priest: Good grief, I must have missed that.
Miss CP: Or the woman from the 9:30 service who’s giving pedicures in the narthex? How is that spiritual?
Priest: Well she only offers a deal like that during Advent. I know my toes could use a good soak.
Miss CP: What if I give you my columns to edit before they go up on the church page?
Priest: Now you’re talking! I’ve always wanted to be an editor.
Miss CP: Great. For Christmas, I’m sending you a red pen.
Priest: Now THAT’S spiritual!
Miss CP: Want to hear me burp the Ten Commandments?

Share on Facebook0Tweet about this on Twitter0Pin on Pinterest0Email this to someone

About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

2 comments on “Miss Crankypants Has the Last (Spiritual) Word

  1. HA HA HA HA HA!! That is really funny! (I am belly laughing, not belching.) Miss CP, I truly feel your pain. Dare I suggest that perhaps the collar is a bit too starched? It is possible to be so heavenly minded we are no earthly good. (One of my mother’s sayings.) You have my permission to keep on posting. The world needs someone to complain so we don’t have to.
    Now lick your wounds and get to posting. Hugs.

  2. You have no idea, Miss Catherine. Luckily, the offending priest(ess) wasn’t too mad at Miss CP for airing all the St. Whatever’s dirty skeletons. Wait. The dirty laundry comes out of the closet? Oh forget it. Miss CP is VERY heavenly minded–as evidenced by the proof that she’s no earthly good. Thank you for supporting your local gripe-ess. ~Miss CP aka Linda

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *