Miss Crankypants ran across a wonderful blog post about writers who are patient when it comes to publishing their work. The post declared, “Writing is NOT a hot dog eating contest.” OKa-ay. If the purpose of writing is not to stuff your guts with aforementioned weenies, then what is it?
Miss CP would never join such a contest, although she has been tempted to OD on Hershey’s Krackel Bars. This got her thinking about how much eating contests and writing have in common.
- At eating contests, the winner is usually some skinny Asian dude. Who probably hates hot dogs. In publishing, CHOCOLATE is preferred over red hot dogs. Plus, the least likely writer gets all the buzz. This writer, with double middle initials and a big fat beard, sits down one boring Saturday afternoon and whips off a 500,000 word fantasy trilogy that ends up selling a billion books. Buys entire warehouses of chocolate.
- Eating contests can’t go faster than the time it takes for several crazies to ingest (without chewing) the most hot dogs. Winners have been known to train with their dogs–a beagle Miss CP knows once ate a whole dozen bakery donuts in less than 30 seconds. In publishing, time often stops or even runs backwards, especially if you are waiting for an editor to “get back to you.” Which forces you to, SURPRISE! EAT MORE CHOCOLATE.
- In Hot Dog Eating Contests, the winner gets a belt similar to a wrestling title champion. In publishing, you get royalty statements written in Chinese and filled with “creative math.” By now you’re out of chocolate and have taken to sneaking Mr. Goodbars out of the Halloween candy.
All these similarities are making Miss Crankypants hungry, which is business as usual for starving writers who run out of chocolate. She could sit down and write another novel that no one wants to publish. OR, she could find that beagle and train to beat the Asian dude next time the Hot Dog Contest comes to town. She’d look good in a champion chocolate eater belt, wouldn’t she?