Irritating Authors with Kindle (FIRE!) Giveaways

Seems like just about every author Miss Crankypants knows has resorted to bribing their readers. What else would you call these come-ons that dangle a FREE KINDLE (FIRE!) in front of their audience? Every time Miss CP sees another one of these irritating ads, she’s horrified. Have we truly sunk so low?
Begs the question: How many Kindle (FIRE!) giveaways does it take to actually get a reader to buy your book?
Miss Cranky points out that if your book is a total dog, it might take all that and a dark chocolate candy bar. No nuts, please.
Meanwhile, we live in the good ol’ US of A, where oneupmanship still reigns. If Author A gives away another Kindle (FIRE!), then what does Author B have to do in order to steal Author A’s readers?
Miss CP is thinking first-born son. But if you knew her first born son, or even her second or third-born, you might suggest an alternate prize. It’s not that her sons are the Village Idiots. But they’ve all grown past the cute baby stage and now sport Viking red beards and a mean Irish leprechaun imitation.
Meanwhile, Author A is in a snit over this whole giveaway thing. She’s posting a Facebook ad boasting of a drawing for a free island somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle. Which beats a Kindle (FIRE!) any day of the week.

Miss Crankypants, on a tighter budget than a plus-size girl in skinny jeans, cannot keep up with this nonsense. But she has an idea. This week, she’s appealing to every child in the USA to send her candy from their Halloween loot bag. If you send in fifty fun size three musketeers, you’ll win her book. Sorry, readers, Miss CP can’t pony up for the Kindle this time around. But, if you throw in some Red Hots, she might be able to scrounge up some FIRE!
Happy Halloween to all and dear East Coasters, please do not mail your hurricane to Oregon. Just kidding. Praying for your safety and a truckload of Three Musketeers.

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About Linda S. Clare

I'm an author, speaker, writing coach and mentor. I teach both fiction and nonfiction writing at Lane Community College and in the doctoral program as expert writing advisor for George Fox University. I love helping writers improve their craft and I'm both an avid reader and writer of stories about those with wounded hearts.

4 comments on “Irritating Authors with Kindle (FIRE!) Giveaways

  1. Dear Miss CP,
    Once again, you’ve spoken to a very real problem for us writers on budgets tighter than a plus-size girl in skinny jeans. (LOVE that image, BTW. Once we were walking behind such a woman and on the back of her jeans was embroidered the word GUESS. My husband’s comment, “Maybe 200 pounds?” But I digress.)

    For me, the idea of more than 1 person mailing in fun-size three musketeers bars is kind of repulsive. I am more an almond joy person. I could get behind that one. But I must say, Miss CP, the idea of mailing away the Halloween candy is absolutely brilliant. Never did know what to do with all that candy before. I applaud you!!!!

  2. CP,
    I am sure your humor was not wasted even though there are those who will not get it. Less than 2 months and I only have about 450 of the 1st 1,000 left. I have yet to start advertizing and worry now about having to work – do a rewrite. Being diabetic the candy idea might work because after Halloween I will have to get rid of it all.
    But then with low expectations, maybe I will just reprint as it is and see what happens. LMAO Maybe I can send it to you for leveraging. dl

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