Famous? That would be Miss Crankypants, for sure. Why, she’s so darn famous that Kim Kardashian once moved over a seat so Miss CP could sit next to George Clooney. As all writers elbow one another for the Most Famous Unheard of Writer Award, celebs like Beyonce start hogging the glory. She’s getting an award for writing about her life.
Every time the rest of us try that, we’re told that nobody wants to hear about our puny miserable existences. Well! Miss Crankypants has a mind to march right over to Essence Magazine and demand that Beyonce choose: either she can be a very revealing dancer/singer/wearer of next-to-nothing entertainer OR she can write. It’s absolutely totally irritatingly (how that for lys?) unfair for her to do both.
While we serious writers grind out prose all day/night long, movie stars, singers and famous-for-nothings like Kardashian scribble a few words and next thing you know, it’s topped the bestseller list.
Some of you may recall a similar rant, I mean, post wherein Miss CP carped about celebrity memoirs, snatching way more than their market share. But Beyonce didn’t even have to write a book! How many of you recall being interviewed on national media when you sold your first article? I mean really, were there satellite trucks parked outside your door on your first byline? C’mon. The Prize Patrol was probably on the next block, making your neighbors instant millionaires. But you, you got nada.
We Nameless Writers should band together. We’ll have an annual convention where we all wear name tags but as a protest, leave them blank. We’ll all go around being “Hi My Name Is” for an entire weekend. I vote the convention be held at YOUR HOUSE.
And while we’re at it, all those in favor of giving Miss Crankypants the Most Famous Writer (You Never Heard Of) Award, raise your hands.